Hello, my name is Jen Cohen and I am a recovering smart-phone addict. Occupying the space between Baby Boomer and Generation X, I thought cell phone addiction was a disorder exclusive to my children’s generation. I was woefully wrong. While berating my Millennial daughter and her Generation Z brothers on excessive phone use, I would quietly peruse Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, personal emails, and business emails. And wonder incredulously how time was slipping through my fingers.
Spending a mind-numbing amount of time posting and responding to countless social media followers; I craved validation. Accolades bestowed upon me from people near and far created a temporary, euphoric state of being. My ego was addicted. Social media friends validated my ownership of something valuable; my thoughts conveyed in posts. And the currency; an expression of gratitude through words and/or emojis.
Smart-phones have a way of permeating our lives. Often they solicit an untimely response. The phone is our master and we are Pavlov’s dog. Remember the conditioned response theory proposed by Russian physiologist, Ivan Pavlov? He revolutionized behavioral psychology through experiments with dogs. Demonstrating that behavior can be transformed through conditioning. Many of us have become Pavlov’s dogs.
I am not alone in my addiction to a smart-phone and its sidekick; social media. There are many who outshine me tenfold in the category of “I can’t get enough.” I have family and friends who proudly flaunt the number of followers they’ve amassed. Coming unhinged when finding themselves on the receiving end of an unfriend or an unfollow action item. Did you know there’s an app that tells who and when a fellow Instagram user drops you? I have it. And would check it often. My punitive response to being unfollowed; search—click—Unfollow. I felt vindicated in returning the favor.
I knew someone who didn’t take kindly to being dropped and took action, confronting the unsuspecting Instagram perpetrator. Bullying their way to reconsideration. This is the hallmark of addiction.
If you find what I say resonates, I am here to reassure you all is not lost. The first step in recovery is acknowledging a problem exists. Once you identify there is a problem the door to healing opens. Allow me to walk you through that door and identify some of the signs your smart-phone is holding you and your life hostage.
Your smartphone is an appendage. The reality of the matter is you can’t go anywhere, and I mean anywhere, without taking your phone. For example, do you take calls in the most sacred of all places…the toilet? You might not be cognizant of this action as it is a subconscious response. Other subtle clues your phone is one-with-you is the reluctance to keep it out of reach during meetings or conversations.
Connectivity with humans is being circumvented. When was the last time you were truly present in the moment while conversing with another person? If you hesitate in answering this question, chances are you’ve given up control to your phone. While having a one-on-one conversation, do you routinely apologize or make assertions like, “I’m listening” while viewing social media or email? If you answer “yes,” regardless of a valid excuse, your phone owns you.
Your authenticity has been compromised. This occurs when who you portray on social media is not who you really are at your core. Are your words and actions incongruent? Do you go to great lengths to twist words around in an effort to put yourself or your life’s situation in a better light? If any of this rings true, your ego is in cahoots with your phone. You really only care about you and/or your agenda. Inauthenticity always catches up. And when it does, the house of cards built on a flimsy social media foundation, comes tumbling down. And then what? You can work aimlessly to reconstruct shards of the social media persona you so painstakingly created under false pretenses. It’s a shallow existence.
A sedentary lifestyle encroaches on your physical activity and overall wellness. It is a fact of life, we only have so much time on this earth. If you are like me, you want to squeeze every ounce of life-force out of your journey. This is why it is vitally important to focus on wellness. If you are focused on social media from the time you first rise in the morning until you retire at night, it leaves little (if any) room for mental, physical, or spiritual health.
Your productivity has been hijacked. Research shows it takes approximately fifteen minutes of consecutive focus before you can fully emerge in a task. Your flow is compromised when you constantly migrate between internet news sources, Facebook, or check sports’ scores. If your livelihood isn’t dependent on social media you must prioritize it accordingly. Social media is a time suck. Imagine all the things you could learn or create if you were free from the constant “ding” beckoning a response. Similar to Pavlov’s dogs, it might be an unconscious conditioned response that keeps you from realizing your dreams. Additionally, if you are employed, it is only a matter of time your employer figures out their investment in you is competing with your investment in social media.
Inward reflection is non-existent. When you are so outwardly focused on things like social media, it leaves little time to get in-tune with who you are and what your purpose in life looks like. How you choose to spend your time speaks volumes about who you are as a person and your trajectory for success. If you are constantly distracted by external forces your growth and ability to learn is greatly diminished. If you are not growing, you are regressing. Moving backwards doesn’t get you to the finish line.
In summary, it isn’t an all or nothing proposition. You aren’t required to do something drastic. Small steps toward taking ownership and control back from your phone is all that’s required.
Own that smart-phone before it owns you!