Its always this the time of year that divorced women come to avail themselves of my matchmaking services, asking, "What are men looking for?" Years out of the dating scene, these women often want to start the New Year with a new man. However, many times they find themselves returning to a world that doesn't resemble the one they left in their 20's, or possibly even 30's.
I always respond to that particular question the same way. I tell them, "Men think in three's. The body, the face and the brains -- in that exact order." The bottom line is, it's all about the bottom line, if you know what I mean. Body first. And don't shoot the messenger: I can only relay male desires -- however superficial and unfortunate -- not change them.
As a professional matchmaker at Kelleher International, I've spoken with over forty thousand men and they all say they want women to be thin and in shape. I admit that my clients, many of whom are titans of tech, Hollywood honchos and international moguls, can be a demanding bunch; however, these are the guys many women are attracted to when dating. So in my 20 years in the business the only shift I've seen is that body is more important than ever before! Not the face, not the personality, but the body. I'm not saying that if a woman has a good body she's just months before landing a rock/ring. In fact, without a great personality and the rest of the package the relationship simply won't stick.
On the other hand, most of the women I met aren't as critical of men. They don't mind if a man is overweight if he's also funny, charming or kind. They don't even care if he's short if he can make up for it in other ways.We women have indeed come a long way, but unfortunately we still can't control the way men think. They are visual creatures and require at their biological core seeing a woman who takes care of herself. I'm not saying men don't appreciate curves, they do, but they also want a woman whose curves are sexy and in proportion rather than shapeless and slack, or worse, too overweight .
I remember setting up a man with a beautiful and accomplished woman who I thought was beautiful. This particular man wanted a smart and attractive woman. A few nights later they had dinner. The following day I received a call from this client who, in a rather irritated tone, got right to the point: "That woman was smart and pretty but she had too much junk in her trunk!"I didn't know what he meant until he explained he thought she was out of shape. Since he was obsessed with working out he expected a woman to stay in shape, too, and for me to understand that! Lesson learned...
Does this mean if you aren't a size 2 you have no chance? Far from it, I'm just saying men are looking for women who care about their appearance and put energy into looking the best they can. And what you are wearing to attract a man is just as important as being in good shape.
So remember: men are visual creatures. I'm not saying they want a hard body, they do want a woman to be a woman, not a man. They just want her to be fit. You could be a rocket scientist with a high IQ, speak five languages and be a Rhodes Scholar. But again if they aren't initially attracted to the wrapping on the package, then they'll never get close enough to engage you in a conversation long enough to find out about this fascinating woman.
This is not just an opinion, it's an observation over nearly two decades. Men aren't going to change.
While we all love asking our girlfriends for advice just remember that the opposite sex is often times on the opposite side of the spectrum. So if you're looking to go into the New Year with a new man, just remember this old and timeless advice: men don't change. But hey, rather than feel any feminist chagrin, comfort yourself knowing that keeping in shape is first and foremost good for yourself: more energy, better mood, sex drive, in short, a longer, healthier life. Maybe there is something to these primitive impulses of mankind after all...
Happy New Year!