For my first series on Celebrities and “Dating”, I am fortunate to interview music super-producer Cainon Lamb. Lamb has done it all from football top wide receiver, grammy nominations, producer to Beyonce, Missy Elliott (among the many amazing artists), and now he has a debut rap single with Missy Elliott, I’m Better.
What’s dating like as a producer? Is it like we think? Is it a real life Tinder? Swipe, swipe, swipe.
I don’t like the term dating. Dating is fake. Do I even know you? It’s all an act. All you do is show someone else that you can impress them. Traditionally, all you do is look the best; smell the best; do all of the best. If I tell her I like this, she’s going to be that. If you’re together three years from now, someone is going to drop the ball. That’s dating. I prefer what I call “knowingship”, the process of getting to know someone. See me for how and who I am from day one.
The other thing is that plenty of people want to be in the industry and are “secretive” about it in the beginning, but eventually it comes up. People aren’t upfront about their motives, I’d rather they be honest. That’s why I like “knowingship”, instead of dating.
Back to the industry. Yes, if you are always in the clubs, strip clubs or industry parties you do get plenty of women. I am not, so I don’t fit that stereotype. If you’re looking for celebrity status and think that’s what you’ll get out of me, you’ll have a hard time with me because I can see if it from a mile away.
How do you manage that?
I try to cut the fat by not posting on social media. It’s hard trying to figure out do they like you for you or what you represent. I purposely don’t post me in front of a car. If you didn’t like me at a party, then you check my IG and saw a pic of me in front of a luxury car, then all of a sudden you reach out.
I also don’t date artists. I love when I’ve been with women who don’t ever ask me about music. I got the real person not the one that is about exploiting you. I don’t name drop while I’m in that phase of “knowingship”. I also like to be spontaneous. If your hungry, let’s go eat. We don’t need to organize our schedules or your clothes. Let’s go see that movie. It’s Friday night no need to try to be perfect.
Don’t you think it creates the illusion of happiness?
I’ve seen so much depression with it in the industry. There’s so much pressure and it takes a toll on who you are. You need someone that will know you, not the stage you. You need the heart to heart conversation and find a person who understands you as a person not just the creative. You need a person that really sees you in your down moments, when you cry, or when your mad at someone. All of it. Look at Michelle and Barack Obama. They are strong, because she is strong. Obama had built his strength and it didn’t start at the first year of his eight year term. As he led us, she led us.
Look at Trump-he is a direct weakness of his partner. We have new leader and if you see any mistakes, you are seeing the direct mistakes that she’s allowing. The woman is very important for his stability and success. If she is a strong helpmate, not the help, that’s how strong he is. Your partner is your direct strength or weakness. Look at the male actors who are widowed: he is not the same, his strength is gone. Look at some of the comedians who got divorced and look how they shot up. So, the one that he was with, wasn’t good for him.
That’s exactly why I created the Your Happiness Hypothesis method. I am excited that you are going to use my product to help you “cut the fat” even more.
I think your product really helps people who don’t know what they want. It helps them to think about what they want by letting their heart lead the decision and thinking to get to what they need. It does this effortlessly. It makes people speak and hear themselves. It truly helps people who hold their thoughts to themselves.
The industry makes it harder to find what you want. I think the allure of so many options and access to so many women makes it harder to pick. It’s like grocery shopping. You my pick up what you wanted, but it’ll take you time to get through what you bought. You aren't eating it all in one day. So, you have all these choices of women and can spend years trying to figure out what you really want. She’s not the one, but you keep making mistakes and wonder why you're not happy. After you see enough of what the money, the cars, the homes does, did that really make you a man? As a opposed to being the man in a relationship.
I always say that finding the right one is the hardest decision you’ll make. What other decision takes decades to get right?
Right! At the end of the day, it’s you spent one year with twenty women, the second year is the same, five years later you haven't done anything different. You ate that’s it. You were fed. That wasn’t enough. People need different things at different times and when your younger you might need to experiment. But, eventually you want stability.