Dear Modern Persons,
When it comes to ladies, it’s easy to believe you’re all full-throttle bonkers.
Totally abandoning the wisdom of the 16th century, you’ve taught women to read, given them rights of land ownership, let them have opinions that differ from their fathers, brothers and husbands, and allowed them their own money. Alarmingly you’ve made it possible for ladies to become historians, who write books and host TV programmes that paint me in a not tremendously sexy light.
As though this weren’t a big enough dog’s breakfast, you gave male peasants the right to vote and after a rather long think let ladies vote as well.
I’d like to be perfectly clear about the scale of this horror show. Asking a peasant of any sort to comprehend ideas about ruling a nation is like inviting an albatross to build an aqueduct. Theoretically possible, yes, but not bloody likely. And then to give that job to ladies? OMG.
To complete this nightmare, you’ve used this voting and democracy business to elect several ladies to the highest positions of power in the land.
Now, there’s a word for thinking it dangerous and scary to give women any sort of power. It doesn’t happen to be in my 16th Century dictionary so I simply call it “Being A Man With Superior Man Ideas About Ladies” (BAMWSMIAL).
After quite a lot of anger, smashing things, and emotional binge eating whilst trying to understand the atrocities of your era, I am quite pleased to report that at last I’ve found peace. And not only peace but radiant joy as it has finally occurred to me, during recent elections, why men have allowed this scat storm of catastrophic change. Especially in the race between Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump pieces of the puzzle (made up of at least two or three pieces) began to snap together. And I rubbed my fat hands together in glee.
First, let’s be honest, BAMWSMIAL is real. It’s olde timey folk wisdom embedded by God into every normal person’s brain. As such it continues nearly unchecked into your era even with its smart phones, dating apps, peace rallies, and lack of codpieces.
A vast number of people are staunch though perhaps quiet believers in BAMWSMIAL. As such, I’ve finally seen the method behind the madness. When a lady candidate runs for office all her man opponent needs to do to win is simply be a man. He doesn’t have to have a thought in his head so long as he has a scrotum in his trousers. And the BAMWSMIAL voter will support him every time.
This is epic, brilliant, epic, epic, geniusy Genius McGeniusface on every level.
Yes, you’ve elected the odd Margaret Thatcher and Angela Merkel, but really when viewed within this larger mangenda, it’s easy to see these ladies were allowed to win simply to provide examples to the electorate of what not to do moving forward.
Wow. Wow. Wow. This epiphany about how your era works came as such a massive relief. I had to wipe a tear when I saw that the honest, scrotocentric values of the 16th century — my century — live on, thrive even, in a world that on the surface looks so very different.
Tyrannically yours,
@knghnryviii