Small talk — the quick, surface-level conversations that fill elevator rides, grocery store lines and workplace corridors — has long been dismissed as trivial. Yet psychologists and anthropologists argue that these everyday exchanges are critical to how humans build trust, empathy and a sense of community. The way we engage in small talk, however, is far from universal. Different generations approach it with distinct styles shaped by the cultural and technological landscapes they grew up in.
From baby boomers, who favor politeness and tradition, to Gen Zers, who often replace “How’s the weather?” with memes or emojis, evolving attitudes toward small talk reveal deeper shifts in how we connect. The question is whether these changes strengthen our communities, or risk leaving us more isolated.
From Drawing Rooms To DMs: The History Of Small Talk
While small talk may feel mundane, its roots run deep. In 18th- and 19th-century Europe, polite conversation was viewed as a marker of refinement and social standing. Handbooks on etiquette instructed men and women on how to navigate drawing-room interactions, with entire chapters devoted to acceptable topics — like weather, travel and the arts — that would help avoid conflict or embarrassment.
“Historically, small talk has been a ritualized form of diplomacy,” said Alison Blackler, a mind coach, author and TEDx speaker. “It allows people to signal civility, gauge each other’s intentions and maintain harmony in social groups.”
In the U.S., small talk flourished during the mid-20th century, when suburban communities and long-term corporate jobs emphasized stability and neighborliness. Saying hello to the mail carrier or chatting about the kids’ baseball game wasn’t just courteous, it reinforced a sense of belonging.
“Boomers grew up when politeness and formality were the norm,” psychologist Stefanie Mazer said. “These conversations were seen as necessary, not optional, for building rapport.”
By the late 20th century, however, cultural and technological shifts began reshaping conversational norms. The rise of email, voicemail and eventually texting introduced faster, more transactional forms of communication. Social media platforms then blurred the line between private and public life, encouraging oversharing in some contexts while shortening attention spans in others.
“Every generation has adapted small talk to the communication tools of its time,” psychotherapist Daren Banarsë said. “The difference now is that the pace of change is faster than ever, which means styles vary dramatically across age groups.”
From Polite Rituals To Playful Digital Shorthand
“Boomers usually stick to polite topics like the weather, kids, or what’s going on in town,” Mazer said. “Gen X keeps things shorter, more to the point and sometimes a little guarded. Millennials are used to sharing more personal stuff because they grew up with social media such as Facebook and Instagram. Gen Z keeps it quick, funny and full of references from online culture, since that’s how they’ve always communicated.”
For boomers, small talk is a cultural expectation. Growing up in a pre-digital world of long phone calls and tight-knit neighborhoods, casual pleasantries weren’t optional — they were part of good manners. “Boomers and Gen X typically view small talk as a fundamental part of building rapport and trust before a main conversation,” Blackler said.
Gen Xers, who came of age alongside the rise of workplace efficiency, tend to treat small talk pragmatically. “They’ll often use it to test the waters before opening up,” Banarsë said.
Millennials, shaped by early social media platforms and economic instability, often lean into small talk as a blend of casual and personal. “That openness spilled into real-life conversations — suddenly, it felt more natural to talk about stress, burnout or feelings in casual settings,” therapist Brianna Halasa said.
Gen Z, meanwhile, has grown up entirely in the age of smartphones, group chats and memes. Their version of small talk is often less about verbal pleasantries and more about quick, humorous shorthand. “For a Gen Z, a TikTok reference or emoji can serve the same purpose as a boomer commenting on the weather,” Banarsë said.
Workplace vs. Personal Small Talk
The stakes of small talk differ sharply depending on the setting, and generational gaps often become most obvious at work.
“In professional settings, boomers and Gen X are more likely to view small talk as a crucial part of building trust,” Blackler said. “They expect to exchange pleasantries before diving into business, whether in meetings, networking events, or even emails.” For them, skipping this step can seem abrupt or even rude.
Millennials, while comfortable with chitchat, often blur professional and personal boundaries. They may bring up stress, mental health, or hobbies in workplace small talk, reflecting a culture that values transparency. “Millennials are the ones who made it more acceptable to casually mention things like therapy or self-care in a breakroom conversation,” Halasa said.
Gen Z takes a different approach. They tend to favor efficiency and authenticity, making small talk at work more utilitarian — or even optional. “Gen Zers may jump straight into business without extended pleasantries,” Mazer said. “Their idea of small talk might be sending a GIF in a work chat rather than chatting about weekend plans.”
This can cause friction. When a Gen Zer skips over chitchat, older colleagues may think they’re unfriendly or disengaged. Conversely, Gen Z may view long, scripted pleasantries as performative or draining.
Outside of work, however, the dynamics change. In general, Gen Z excels at playful digital banter, whether through group chats, memes, or rapid-fire texting. Boomers, in contrast, often prefer in-person or phone conversations, while Gen X toggles between both worlds. Millennials occupy the middle ground, adept at both digital shorthand and in-person warmth.
Understanding these distinctions is key to reducing miscommunication. “Workplaces, in particular, need to acknowledge that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach,” psychologist Carolina Estevez said. “Cross-generational teams can function more smoothly if they learn to interpret each other’s conversational cues.”
It’s An Evolution, Not Disappearance
Some assume younger generations are abandoning small talk altogether, but experts say it’s more accurate to describe it as transformed.
“Small talk hasn’t gone away for younger generations, but it looks different now,” Mazer said. “Instead of long face-to-face chats, it often shows up as a meme sent in a group chat or a quick emoji reaction. The topics are the same — checking in, joking around, sharing bits of daily life — but the format is faster and more visual.”
Halasa echoes this: “For a lot of younger people, sending a meme, reacting with an emoji, or dropping a quick ‘lol’ in a group chat does the same thing as asking, ‘How’s the weather?’ It’s a way of saying, ‘I see you. I’m thinking of you.’”
“Millennials and Gen Z, having grown up with instant messaging, tend to be more direct. For them, small talk is often a brief bridge to a purpose-driven conversation, shaped by a digital culture that values getting straight to the point.”
- Alison Blackler, mind coach, author and TEDx speaker
Digital micro-interactions may look trivial, but they can still foster connection. “These gestures show that younger people are still socially connected, just expressed in more of a low-pressure way,” Banarsë said. “It’s less about old-fashioned, lengthy pleasantries and more about quick, playful exchanges that feel authentic.”
Blackler believes this shift is part of a larger cultural emphasis on efficiency: “Millennials and Gen Z, having grown up with instant messaging, tend to be more direct. For them, small talk is often a brief bridge to a purpose-driven conversation, shaped by a digital culture that values getting straight to the point.”
What Generations Can Learn From Each Other
While each generation brings its own strengths to the table, experts say there’s much to learn across age groups.
“Younger people are good at keeping small talk light and playful, often using humor, memes, or quick reactions to break the ice,” Mazer said. “Older generations could pick up on that and learn not to overthink casual conversations.”
At the same time, older generations model patience and depth. “Boomers and Gen X are better at slowing down and showing real interest in others, which younger people could use more of,” she added.
“I don’t see small talk disappearing. I see it continuing to evolve.”
- Brianna Halasa, therapist
Estevez agrees, noting, “Older generations can learn to loosen formality, embrace digital shorthand and bring more authenticity. Younger generations can learn to respect conversational rituals, slow down and appreciate inclusive, low-stakes openers.”
Even nonverbal cues are a skill worth preserving. “Younger generations can learn the importance of using in-person rapport-building skills,” Blackler said. “Mastering these can signal genuine investment and build a deeper sense of trust that digital tools alone cannot replicate.”
Looking ahead, experts anticipate hybrid forms of small talk — part digital, part in-person. “The challenge for social cohesion will be to ensure we don’t lose the foundational skills of navigating face-to-face communication, as these are critical for building true empathy and understanding across generations,” Blackler said.
Halasa shares a similar optimism: “I don’t see small talk disappearing. I see it continuing to evolve. What matters is remembering why we do it in the first place. Small talk, in any form, is really just about reminding each other: You’re not alone.”