Life is a constant battle of confusion.
Should I do this? Should I do that? Am I making the right decision? Should I have done (A) instead of (B)? Could I have tried more? Could I have changed or altered the situation? Could I have helped them see the light? What the heck was I thinking?
This constant questioning of what you should have done better or different will eat you alive. Take one thing at a time or else your mind will consume you and you'll no longer be able to think clearly. Don't try to run before you walk.
Since I'm not too confident and have difficulty making my own decisions, questioning myself has become a regular occurrence. I suppose I don't have faith in myself, so I often seek others opinions and approval because well, it's easier than making the decision on my own. That way, I can blame it on them if it's "wrong" instead of me.
I would say my biggest decision thus far in life was deciding to move to Tennessee. I know you've heard me talk about how difficult it was, how I'm transitioning, blah, blah, blah. But, this time I'm telling you that even though people around me didn't agree, I never listened to them. It's funny that I didn't seek too many others opinions due to fear they'd talk me out of it. But, honestly, I knew deep down it was the right decision. I was scared as F**K, but knew something needed to change or else I'd end up never growing up, learning and growing as a person. If I always had the comfort of mommy and daddy by my side, I'd never be able to make my own decisions because I'd run straight to them instead of dealing with my issues and problems head on.
And, I'm doing OKAY. Do you know how many issues and problems people must face in a day? I have it good compared to others and I'm over here complaining? What I need to do is BELIEVE in myself and KNOW that I'll be okay and decision making gets easier. I mean, people have been doing it for years and I need to catch-up and more than ever, I'm willing to grow the hell up, own up to my mistakes and quit feeling sorry for myself.