Years ago, some friends and I used to hold a poker game every week. I rarely ever won, so, after a while, I tried to do some self-reflection and figure out what I was doing wrong. With some keen observation, I finally discovered the isssue; whenever I could tell that my opponent was bluffing, I would stay in to the end just to prove it to myself. I refused to let them get away with trying to steal the pot, and as it happens, I was pretty good at spotting a bluff. The problem? More often than not, I didn’t have anything either and would end up losing most of my money just the same. To me, having my belief validated was more important than winning the hand, and because of that, I always lost the game.
I have started to notice a trend in posts and discussions on social media over the last few months. A prioritizing of this needing to be right instead of making sure the right things happen. I first saw it following the Democratic primaries. It felt that the most vocal of Clinton supporters were more interested in seeking validation by telling the Sanders group how wrong they were than they were about trying to sincerely find a way to bring them on board. And on the other side, the vocal Sanders supporters felt their opinions were ignored, and many of them jumped ship instead of sticking with the only electable candidate that was remotely close to their views. They both needed to be right more than they wanted to win.
Now that the election results have finally come to an end, I am seeing this same mindset re-emerge. This dramatic need for validation. And although the Democrats have already lost the election, this mentality could lead to them losing much, much more down the road by disenfranchising anyone who didn't turn out and vote blue.
Currently there seems to be an instinctual need to vilify the entirety of the nation who did not go out last week and put a check mark next to Hillary Clinton’s name. That is rather simplistic in my opinion, but let’s pretend that it is true for a second. Let’s say that the nearly 75% of Americans who did not cast a vote for Clinton this past week are all closeted bigots who care more about themselves and being racist than they do about their fellow Americans. What does calling them on their bluff do, when you’ve still got a losing hand?
Attacking others at this point is more about the need to heal your own fractured ego than it is about changing minds, and that is how you lose the fight.
Right now, we need a strategy for fighting ignorance and misinformation, not shaming those who are misinformed. We need a plan to stop racism, sexism, and discrimination, not settle for for merely acknowledging it exists. We need to find a way to eliminate hate, not perpetuate it.
I am not saying that we should let people off the hook for their racist actions or remarks, but we do need to start remembering that the emphasis should be on reducing the recidivism of racism rather than simply punishing the offenders.
We are past needing awareness. We need a strategy for working together to end the root causes of the issues we see, not just pointing them out.
Nearly 75% of America decided NOT to speak out against hate. Let’s work to change minds instead of strengthening the divide that got us here in the first place.
This can be done by following two easy steps. First, ask questions. When you hear someone say something of questionable judgement, engage with them about why they feel the need to act that way. Try to avoid being confrontational, not because you owe the person respect, but because, even if you are completely on the right side of things, you won’t be effecting change in the person you are addressing by attacking them. And that is what should be important. The second thing that can be done is to be empathetic to the opposing view. This doesn’t mean you need to validate or encourage such views, but by understanding where they are coming from, you will find yourself in a better position to get to the source of the issue.
On the left, we fight against shameful prosecution because we know it leads to higher recidivism. We fight against the stigmas associated with mental illness because they are more likely to have a negative impact. So why is it with sexism and racism we are so inclined to take the easy path and demonize rather than work towards rehabilitation?
It’s time we start treating discrimination as a disease instead of personality flaw. And that can’t be done when people are more interested in pointing out the problem than they are in trying to fix it.