Things I Never Imagined I Would Do In Public

Never say never.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Having kids brings you face to face with a lot of things you swore you would never do ― or for that matter even imagined were a possibility you would do.

My kids will never watch TV all day…

My kids will never eat McDonald’s…

I will never yell at my kids…

I will never give them cereal for dinner…

I will never poop on the delivery table.

You get the point, right?

The one thing I have definitely learned as a parent is never say never. I can’t tell you the countless things I have done after having kids that I would have been mortified to be caught doing prior to having these little stinkers. Frankly, there are just not that many things more embarrassing than pooping on the delivery table. So at this point I could care less what people think about me or whatever I am doing, and I am sure those of you who have kids can relate to a few of these public moments I no longer find embarrassing.

1. Adjust my boobs.

Since becoming comfortable with breastfeeding in public, I just don’t care anymore. I will shift my boobs around, take a squeeze to see which one is fuller and even scratch them if need be. My physical comfort is a top priority these days, and I will do what ever it takes to achieve it. Besides, men have been adjusting themselves in public since the dawn of time.

2. Catch my kids’ throw up.

Yep, that has happened... on more than one occasion. Why do kids have the worst timing with throw up? Once, I had to run into the grocery store with a sick kid to pick up just a few things. I had nothing with me but a baby sling and my wallet. When we got to the produce area (clear on the other side of the grocery store from the bathroom), my kid hurled right into my hands and people saw it. You should have seen their faces. Disgusting! But what’s a mom to do?

3. Pick boogers.

There is something about moms and getting a kid’s booger. It must be retrieved no matter where we are or what it takes to get it. We will use tissue, nose suckers and even our fingers to get that booger. I have done my fair share of excavating for boogers in public. It’s quite gross, but for some reason it is a necessary evil. Maybe it’s our fear of where that booger will end up if we don’t get it.

4. Sniff butts.

Yes, you read that correctly. I sniff butts, and I am not ashamed to admit it. It’s the easiest way to determine if a diaper change is in order. Looking into their diaper isn’t always an option with onesies and sticking your finger in the side of the diaper could result in a poop-covered finger. So, I will gladly pick a little one up and take a sniff of their little tushie when I suspect they have relieved themselves. The only other surefire way is if you catch them squatting in the corner with a strained expression on their face. Even then they will deny it and run to get away from your evil plans of changing their diaper.

5. Sing made-up songs… out loud.

Have you ever tired to negotiate with a toddler dead set on not cooperating with you? Or prevent a tantrum already in process? It is an impossible feat but for some reason singing a ridiculous made-up song can often be the saving grace that buys me enough time to distract my little troublemaker or make my escape to the car. I have sung about poopy diapers to the tune of “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,” hungry babies to the tune of “If Your Happy and You Know It” and angry mommies to the tune of “London Bridges.” As long as it’s a hit with my kid, I consider it a win and will ignore the side eyes from those who just don’t get it.

I am pretty sure there are many more things I do that I am not even aware of. Sometimes I realize the person next to me is staring at me with a disgusted or puzzled look on their face, but I usually brush it off and tell myself they must not be a parent.

What is something you have done in public since having kids that you would have never done before?

For more from Elisha Wilson Beach visit: