When you have spent significant time in any type of unhealthy emotional environment it is easy to lose track of your worth. If you were given too little, you may view yourself as not good enough. If you have been starving for the love you never received you may be extremely hard on yourself and insecure in conflictual situations because you fear being seen as wrong or being abandoned. You may spend too much energy trying to prove yourself to others.
Conversely, if you were given too much, you may overly depend upon other people to fill you up and make you happy and become angry and abandoning when the world doesn't shift on its axis to give you what you want when you want it. When you have never been made to be responsible for sustaining your own well-being you become emotionally immature and demanding.
1. Change your self-talk. To increase your self-esteem improve the way you talk to yourself. Change the inner dialogue that you are not good enough or that you must prove your worth. When you feel this way it causes you to be inauthentic and to over-function.
Conversely, if you feel you are owed your worth and are only good enough if people are bending over backward for you, placating to your needs, constantly building you up you will suffer from the disappointment of unmet and unrealistic expectations causing you to become angry, demanding and to feel chronically empty.
Work on being good enough for yourself.
2. Find balance. If you notoriously put yourself second and are not getting your important needs met, start putting your needs first before meeting the needs of others. When you put yourself first you give yourself the sense of importance you so desperately seek to feel from others.
If, on the other hand, you expect others to put you first and expect them to do everything for you, you never learn to put others before yourself, and therefore, do not develop the all-important trait of empathy necessary for sustaining healthy bonds.
Find the balance between what you need to do for yourself and what you should realistically expect from others.
3. Know your worth. If your worth is dependent upon pleasing others you will come up empty. Nothing you do for others will be enough to make you feel valued and appreciated in the way you desire. Knowing your worth has to come from within. Your worth is determined by the treatment you accept or expect for yourself, not by how much of yourself you give away.
Conversely, when you expect others to constantly soothe you, build you up and make you feel like you exist you do not gain the skill of developing your own self-worth. You will measure your worth on how important others make you causing your sense of self to be fleeting and dependent upon people outside of you.
To know your worth take charge of your life and see how it feels to experience your own power.
4. Create your happiness. Happiness isn't a given it is a creation. If happiness is not developed from within you will naturally start looking for happiness from outside sources. This makes you needy. Your neediness expectations will drain or push others away.
Trust that you deserve love and happiness. Figure out how to self-soothe, to make yourself happy and to enjoy your own company. When you do this you will attract friends and lovers to love you at the level you love yourself.
5. Be proud. Do things you are proud of. Take care of your outsides, dress nice, be nice, be calm, be loving, have boundaries, achieve all you can, be clean and be kind. Kindness will take further in life than any other human characteristic.
Walk tall. There is so much about you that is good, regardless of what you have been told. Choose to believe in who you are and be proud of that. Do not compare yourself to others, because like the snowflake you are not repeatable.
6. Work hard. Happiness is a byproduct of achieving and having a purpose. Hard work trumps genius, so let go of the idea you have to have a stellar IQ to be successful. The hard workers in life, void of entitlement, are the people who succeed at the highest levels.
There is nothing that can make you feel better about yourself then being committed in life, to your life, and to yourself through hard work. With hard work, success is a guarantee.
Success naturally brings self-love, self-respect, self-esteem, recognition and happiness.
7. Exercise. Exercise is good all around. First, it is the best antianxiety and anti-depressive agent around. It promotes positive mood and also helps you feel good about your physique. Nothing can lower self-esteem more quickly than not liking what you look like.
Commit to exercising a minimum of three times per week, and do what you can to get outdoors. When you get outside, it yanks you out of the daily grind and you are reminded of how beautiful this earth is, how beautiful life is and how much you have to be thankful for.
A little fresh air is enough to cleanse your spirit of negativity.
8. Eat healthy. What you feed your stomach you feed your brain. The digestive system is the most similar in neurochemistry to the brain, which is why your stomach is considered your second brain. To feel good and be happy, eat healthy. Supply your brain with the nutrients that stimulate health and positive mood. Eat lots of greens, drink a lot of water, and eat lean proteins to fuel your body for positive mood, productivity and sustainable energy.
9. Choose healthy relationships. It only takes one toxic person to destroy your entire sense of self. Choose people who treat you with love and respect. Refuse to participate in relationships where you have to constantly prove your worth to keep their love. Conversely, to have healthy a self-esteem avoid being that person who demands others to constantly bend to your needs in order for you to feel alive and worthy.
10. Depend on yourself. Do not allow others to do for you what you can do for yourself. There is no path to a healthy self-esteem through being lazy or entitled. Learn to take care of your basic needs, to be alone with yourself and not crumble. Be able to support your life in all the ways you can.
Take control and become a whole person. One you admire, depend upon and trust.
11. Let others be themselves. If you are needy, insecure, entitled or demanding you become controlling. When you are controlling you compromise the freedoms of the important people in your life through fear, abandonment or engulfment. When you love yourself, you will not need and nor will you demand because you will already have your needs taken care of. This makes you easier to love.
People will love you the most when you give them the freedom to be themselves.
12. Be happy for others. People with healthy self-esteem do not feel jealousy often because they are satisfied in their own lives, careers, and relationships. Mostly they are satisfied with who they are as people. Be happy for other people and their happiness. This type of shift will fundamentally change your life and only serve to bring happiness your way.
Trust there is enough love, money, happiness and success for everyone. When you see there is no such thing as lack, other people's success or happiness will no longer be a threat to you and your view of yourself.
Sherapy Advice: Your self-worth is your gift to yourself and others.