Confessions of a Part-Time Pastor: Thanksgiving Edition

This week's confession is that I didn't do a confession last week. I could say I forgot or that I couldn't possibly have found the time because I was soooo busy doing important pastory stuff; but the truth is I decided I'd rather eat pumpkin pie and decorate my house than sit at my computer. Which is fine except that I want to write a Thanksgiving post. So let's pretend it's last week and indulge me while I share a few things I am thankful for:

  1. I am thankful that I can write "things I am thankful for" rather than "things for which I am thankful." Because I'm a blogger now and not writing papers for lovely but grammatically anal English professors. Let's be honest, sometimes it sounds better with the preposition at the end.

  • I am thankful that my husband steals the covers. He sleeps on his back, grabs onto the blanket, and rolls toward his side of the bed, then lets the blanket go. Multiple times. I wake up with the entire right edge of my body exposed to the frigid air--and I just leave all the bedding on his side as proof. Because that's all I've got on him. Seriously. The guy works as an elementary special education teacher; he has a PhD; he is writing his third (published) book; he does the dishes and the laundry; he eats healthy food and exercises regularly and reads classic literature in his spare time. Sometimes I want to not feel guilty about sitting on my butt eating brownies from the pan while I watch Netflix. But there's my husband munching kale while he does the dishes and listens to Shakespeare with his book research pulled up on his laptop. It's super annoying. Then I think, "Well, at least I don't steal all the covers and make him freeze to death every night."
  • I am thankful that Jesus once asked God, "How long must I be with them?". For one thing, it's a great tidbit to throw into a sermon when I'm trying to make a point about how clueless the disciples were. But more importantly, it means I can feel holy and Jesusy even when I'm getting completely annoyed by the incompetence and ignorance I'm forced to deal with on a regular basis. And please do not point out that Jesus was, you know, Jesus, and therefore had a right to his frustration whereas I am, you know, not Jesus, and therefore just as flawed as the people who are annoying me. Sometimes I can't muster up the energy for righteous anger so righteous annoyance is all I have. I'd like to keep that option open.
  • I am thankful for early Christmas light putter-uppers. This year. In previous years I got really annoyed with anyone who dared to turn on Christmas lights before Thanksgiving. Because it's just not right! If you turn them on the week before Thanksgiving, why not right after Halloween? Or even the beginning of November? Heck, there's no major liturgical event after Pentecost, so just throw up the lights in late spring already! See what I mean? It's a slippery slope of merriment. But this year I decided I don't care any more. Because there are terrorist attacks all over the place. And so many desperate refugees just trying to be alive. And story after story about someone shooting one or more people for no good reason. And the environment is shot to hell. And Donald Trump Will. Not. Shut. Up. So turn on your Christmas (or Hannukah or Kwanza or generic holiday) lights as early as your little heart desires. And thank you.
  • Finally, I am thankful for my smart-ass Facebook friends. (Is "smart-ass" supposed to be hyphenated? I would probably know if I had paid more attention to my lovely but grammatically anal English professors.) Yes, I realize that Facebook is sucking up hours of my life that I will never get back. (And I'm pretty sure Mark Zuckerberg has figured out a way to harness all of our life energy and he will live to be like seven hundred years old while we all waste away at our keyboards.) Still, there is nothing quite so entertaining as reading my friend's snarky comments. (O.K. I think Book of Mormon on Broadway would probably be more entertaining, but also a lot more expensive. And in New York.) For example, when I posted a picture of the light-up plastic baby Jesus I found at Menards I was informed that "Shrink-Wrapped Electric Jesus" would be an awesome band name; and also, to "cancel the Amber alert."
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    I hope you have many things to be thankful for this holiday season. If you want to read about what I was thankful for in 2013, you can check it out on Rev. Gal Blog Pals. (Apparently in 2014 I was an ungrateful wretch.)