OK so it's a bit weird... but not really. I would always close the bathroom door if someone was here or I was out in public. No matter how urgent, and it usually is, modesty wins. And although guys have it much easier half the time, I am still not a fan of just finding a corner or a tree. But when I am home alone, I don't always shut the door. Usually I have waited a bit too long and the urgency beats privacy, even though there is no one to be private from. But yesterday I went to shut the door and it wouldn't go. The carpet just bunched up. I stuffed it back under and tried again. Still no luck. I had just washed it so maybe it was too fluffy. I did a bunch of my best disco moves, trying hard not to look in mirror, and mashed it all down again. I smiled a bit as Saturday Night Fever and Napoleon Dynamite flashed through my mind. It wasn't pretty, and neither was the rug formerly known as fluffy, but the door moved freely again.
If you ask most people, especially in the aftermath of the Edward Snowden scandal, privacy is very important. We go to great lengths to try and protect it, from gazillions of passwords, to whispered secrets; we don't want anyone to know our business. I guess we are all afraid of big brother or bad guys. But sometimes we keep secrets private from ourselves. Whispered thoughts in the back of our mind, barely audible to anyone. Inadequacy, failings, or doomed dreams. They might be fluffy or flat, but we refuse to even give them voice. We think that just thinking about the unthinkable will surely be bad. We trap our thoughts behind closed doors in a jumbled mess.
There is a little kid's book that I used to see around in Child Development Centers. I loved the title: Everybody Poops. Casual in its approach to potty training, it attempted to normalize something that adults sometimes have trouble talking about. We all have lots of crap in our world--it's a given. But hiding it from yourself just results in anxiety, depression, and your plumbing backing up. It's important to be able to let that door be open sometimes, especially when you are alone. No one knows and no bad guys will attack you for your thoughts. They are just thoughts.
So take some time to express yourself to yourself. Give voice to the dark and it loses its power. Dance all over the things that don't quite work until they fit. If you can figure out when to leave the door open, and when to keep it closed, your emotional plumbing will continue to work just fine.
I'll be humming Staying Alive for the rest of the day... It's good advice from the Bee Gees.