He just has to be the weirdest trick I've ever turned, and let me tell you, I've seen more than my share of them.
Don't get me wrong. He wasn't into anything kinky -- no S/M, no bondage, no whips or chains, nothing risky. And the only thing oral that he wanted was TALKING.
That's right, TALKING. By which I don't mean chatting me up or sounding me out or whispering saucy stuff in my ear. I mean SPEAKING. The first thing this guy wanted when he walked into that hotel bedroom was a LECTERN and a folding chair.
So we stood around and waited for them to be brought up to the room. Plus, since I was wearing just a hip-length slip, he covered his eyes and told me to take it off and replace it with what he'd brought along in a big brown paper bag: a pair of long underwear and a baggy one-piece black wool pantsuit. Then he went into the bathroom and closed the door and said he wouldn't come out until I was double-layered from head to toe. So I pulled on the damned underwear and wriggled into the baggy pantsuit It must have been a size 18!) and zipped it all the way up to my neck. Only then did he come out of the bathroom
By that time there was a knock on the door. When I opened it, two guys wheeled in this great big lectern with a folding chair on top of it and asked where he wanted it. He didn't want it facing the bed or the TV, because then there wouldn't be any place for the folding chair.. So the only place for it was up against the bathroom door, which of course would be a real pain anytime anybody wanted to powder her nose or water the plants. But that's where he wanted it, so that's where it went.
Then he had the folding chair set up right in front of the lectern, sent the guys out of the room (I think he might have given them a pair of free passes to the Governor's Mansion for their next trip to Albany), told me to sit on the chair, stepped up to the lectern, and started speaking. By then I was sweating like hell, and as best as I can remember, the speech went something like this.
"First of all, I want to thank everyone who has helped to make this evening possible: the booking agent, the hard-working people in the front office, the hard-working people in the back office, the executives who run this business and all of those who work so hard to make this kind of experience possible for hard-working men all over America. And above all I want to thank Ashley, who has given up several hours this evening from her impossibly busy life as a fascinating, cultivated, sophisticated, highly educated escort just to fly down here to Washington and help to make this such a special, memorable event. Ashley, would you mind standing up for just a minute so that everyone can see you?"
"But Cli 9," I said. "It's just the two of us here."
"Just stand up, Ashley," he said,. "and look around and smile your thanks at everyone." So I stood up and looked around and smiled at the TV, the purple figured drapes, the flowered wallpaper, the mahogany headboard, and the picture of the Jefferson Memorial on the wall. Then I sat down. As I said, client 9 always got what he wanted -- like all my clients.
"Now I'd just like to say a few words about corruption. All my life, ever since I finished kindergarten, I've been fighting corruption. When I found out that we were getting sub-standard chalk in the first grade -- chalk that crumbled, chalk that literally fell apart in your fingers -- I took that case all the way up past the principal to the superintendent of schools until we not only had good solid chalk for our blackboards but also put the CEO of that chalk company behind bars for 15 years. Then in the second grade, I . . . "
That's really all I can remember because right about then I fell asleep. When I woke up, I found myself lying on the floor beside the chair (I guess I'd fallen out of it), still dressed in the long underwear and the baggy black pantsuit and still sweating like hell. Client 9 was long gone, but he'd left a little note: "Thanks for a great evening, Ash. Next week: 'How I Slew the Dragons of Wall Street." Can't wait! Yours in the never-ending fight against corruption, C9."
And that's pretty much the way it went, every time he came to see me. Boy, did I get caught up on my sleep!