Instructions: This is not a real quiz. There is only one question; it is multiple-choice. Your answer will determine your basic human decency. Good luck!
Trigger warning: Contains references to the President of the United States, white people and other authority figures. Encourages independent thinking.
Many liberals, including this one, began the Trump administration with a sense of grudging sympathy for well-meaning conservatives and beleaguered rural laborers. Our poly-cultural, poly-sexual, polymath world had just moved too fast for some, and our voracious progressiveness had allowed us to callously disregard them. They saw Trump as the outsider capable of needed change. Fair enough.
But as time goes on, that view has become increasingly difficult to defend, what with the unabated and un-denounced rise in hate crimes; the GOP refusing to investigate their peers for things they get worked-up accusing others of; Republicans playing victim over constituents’ anger and liberal “obstruction”; and attacks on the media, which a majority of Republican voters now say isn’t essential to democracy anyway.
One can sympathize with scared and frustrated people who get temporarily blindsided by a flashy conman. We’ve all been there. But the window of difference between hapless victim and willing Collaborator is small—and closing fast. And we know what happens to Collaborators. (If you don’t, skip to the end.)
With so much to resist coming so quickly, it can feel overwhelming. Luckily, you don’t have to do it all and there are plenty of options from which to choose. Which begs the question: Which Trump are you resisting?
A) Trump the Ringmaster
In the long and—ahem—noble American tradition of carnival barkers and vaudeville acts, Trump is a 21st Century Ringling Brothers and P.T. Barnum, with overdone, faux-euro, South-Florida show-palace and all! Why, Trump’s own grandfather was a proud member of this big league, who built the family name on public houses (how appropriate) in Gold Rush country (how appropriate) before being kicked out of his native Germany for evading military service. Perhaps bone spurs—like anti-social behavior—run in the family. Like P.T. Barnum, Trump drives a financial roller coaster. And like Trump, Barnum briefly held elected office, famous for bringing gas lighting (how appropriate) to the streets of Bridgeport, CT. Trump also seems to relish the motto famously if falsely (how appropriate) attributed to Barnum: “There’s a sucker born every minute.”
B) Trump the Used Car Salesman
On the surface of it, Trump seems better here than most: a politician who actually keeps his promises! Were it only that these are the promises his non-deplorable voters wish he’d had the good sense to drop. While the Liar ‘n’ Thief sold his voters on luxury veneers, sexy lines, a fancy brand name and security features, just don’t look under the hood because, for all the talk of draining swamps and being owned by nobody, he’s stuffing the government with his cronies and is in hock to everyone and their dog. Dismantling protections for the old, sick and unemployed (never mind civil rights and the environment) from the ravages of Wall Street and big business, he’s like a chick in a drop-top flashing frat boys at Mardi Gras. When he bragged at the inauguration that he’d give power back to the people, someone should have asked, “Wait, which people?”
C) Trump the Plant
Oh, if only Trump were an office ficus, those boring bits of shrubbery intended to lend life to an environment devoid of humanity. Like those desperate, vegetal attempts to fool us into complacency, Trump is a distraction from the real crimes against democracy happening on Capitol Hill (and increasingly likely in Moscow). It’s worth reviewing the line of succession for when when POTUS cannot respond to his duties. First Runner-Up is Vice-President Mike Pence. Second, is Speaker of the House Paul Ryan. And third, is Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. Given that lineup and congressional Republicans’ interest in having someone more amenable at the helm of party and country, the only conceivable reason they’re so doggedly foot-dragging on investigations into impeachment is that this rot runs so deep that they’re all at risk of getting mulched.
D) Trump the Boss from Hell
He said he’d hire “the best people” and let them do the job. This was the best, and worst, case scenario: a disengaged Commander-in-Chief happy to show up for photo opps with famous people, but otherwise letting better-qualified, if not better-intentioned people do the actual work. Instead we got evil Michael Scott, a parody of a parody [sic] of a useless boss: incompetent, surrounded by incompetents, constantly passing the buck for his failures and taking credit for things he had nothing to do with. Of course, this seems to be the M.O. of the Trump Organization—I mean, who loses money on a casino?!—so perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised. Yes financial markets are at their highest and consumer confidence is up, but Trump inherited an eight-year growth trend. Let’s see how long that lasts.
E) All of the above
“I am a racial, ethnic, sexual, ability or other minority quite used to dealing with adversity and fending for myself, thank you very much. No snowflake, I think this is all amateur-night and have moxie to spare. Where do you need me?”
F) None of the above
Careful... It’s choice “F” for a reason.
Extra credit assignment: Read and review The Cost of Courage, by Charles Kaiser, a heroic true story of the three youngest children of a bourgeois Catholic family who worked together in the French Resistance.