In Part 1, I decided to boycott gossip for two weeks. Cold turkey. Read about my decision here.
Day 1: I begin totally confident in myself an easily able to shun all my favorite sites and shows in favor of more enriching activities. This will be easy. I am SO above this.
Day 2: After checking e-mail, I find myself habitually looking for my gossip bookmarks on my desktop and then realize they are gone. I've been robbed! I feel slightly "out of it" but resist temptation -- even though am home alone all day and can't get busted. Kind of like a fake designer bag- -no one will be the wiser, but you know in your heart you are a fraud. I stick to my guns, but it's not easy when boredom strikes.
Day 3: I hear grumblings about Britney doing something (it's always something) and feel an itch to find out what it is she did. Rehab? Marry someone in Vegas again? But this is the whole point: do I really care? Do I need to know that information? No. My husband is shocked when I do not leap like a WWE wrestler for the remote at 7pm to turn on Access Hollywood. Is that a glimmer of respect and hope I see in his eyes? I think so!
We watch Family Guy instead, hardly more educational than gossip, but I digress. I'm in detox; whatever gets me through the day, people.
Day 4: I wake up craving to know what those feisty little starlets are up to and feel like a junkie. What's next, a case of the shakes? Still not giving in. Instead, I write a ridiculous amount of posts on my blog and get to work earlier. Hmmm. This could be beneficial!
I open my mailbox to find new US Weekly -- throw it in my car on the way to a friend's house and shove it into her hands before I can read it (ok, I read the cover). She is trying to shun gossip too and we play "hot potato" with it until her babysitter grabs it.
I receive an e-mail from a gossip loving friend in California that says Eva Mendes is in rehab. WHAT? So anxious that I cannot read more about it on Perez!
The hubby sends an e-mail with a link to TMZ -- of course now that I've stopped, he starts. That's fair. Delete it. I need a drink. Will this detox send me into another kind of detox? *Sigh*
Day 5: Checking e-mail. So tempted to just PEEK at People.com -- but I resist. Watch Sarah Silverman/Matt Damon video a few times for laughs -- that Matt Damon is pretty slick dancing in those red Hammer pants.
I get my fix, of sorts, and go read...my book.
Day 6: Too busy preparing for my Superbowl party to care about celebrity gossip today. During the broadcast I get all psyched about the bevy of celeb sightings and curse the perfection that is Giselle Bundchen.
We lose, and I curse Giselle again for jinxing us. Damn you, you distracting, superhumanly hot Brazilian!!
Day 7: The Pats loss causes me to go into pissy funk. I read lots about how we managed to lose grip on the perfect season and now don't care much at all about Hollywood. Am I losing interest in it or just in a foul mood?
Day 9: How did I miss a day? Busy with work.
Day 10: A slight slip, but I had to read Heath Ledger's toxicology results. I do read about it on HuffPo's main page, so it doesn't count as gossip in my book. I seem to have had far fewer desires to hear what's new in the celeb world and feel good about that. I am triumphing over my weaknesses! Applause? Anyone?
Day 11: This must be like giving up drugs -- because it's only getting easier after it got harder. I start wondering if I'll even go back to it once I am allowed.
Crap. The news US Weekly came and I can't help but see on the cover that Britney is back in the hospital?!? I throw it in the recycling bin.
It beckons to me in my 4 p.m. lull. I take it outside to the curb.
What a couple of weeks I picked to go gossip-free...
Day 12: Who needs tabloids?!?! I have a real celeb sighting when I spy Joey McIntyre, of New Kids on the Block fame and Dancing with the Stars, (for those not in the know) shoveling his mom's sidewalk across the street from me! I peek out from behind my couch cushions trying to drum up reasons to actually go outside in the snow.
Drat, I can't -- my toenails are wet! I text my mom (who enjoys gossip herself) and she suggests I ask him to shovel MY side of the sidewalk too. I tell her that's ridiculous and she say's "well, you would pay him of course"! I get a good chuckle imagining his insult and complete hysterics if I offered him five bucks to shovel.
The hubby and I crack up thinking of funny things to say to him like "You seem to be... 'hangin' tough.'" Perhaps my lack of celebrity "contact" has rendered me this massively lame. I hope so, because otherwise that means I am ALWAYS this massively lame.
Day 13: Am I actually putting on lip-gloss to walk the dog in case I run into Joey Mac?? That is totally straight-jacket worthy, especially since I was a Debbie Gibson fan, I didn't even like the New Kids! This is however, an excellent distraction from Perez. I bet if I took a picture Perez would post it! GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF, ERIN!
Day 14: This is it. It's been two weeks! Magically (thanks, Mom) I find the new issue of People in one of the drawers of the buffet table I brought up from my parents' house. I am both a bit sad and relieved to find that the glossy gloriousness of the photos and tidbits of famous life seem dulled and quite boring. Although I am interested in the fashion, styles, and certain gossip items (waiting for Reese to break it off with my dearly beloved Jakey G.), I am far less interested as a whole. In fact it all seems kind of, well, silly.
So although I will certainly read gossip from time to time, I think that I can honestly say that my two-week fast cleared my head a bit and got me back on an even keel. I can enjoy Perez and People when need be, but will not use it as a form of entertainment on an hourly basis. And if I ever catch myself becoming ensnared in the vice grip of dirty, glittery gossip, I know that this two week detox works to bring me back to news watching, book reading, pseudo-celebrity stalking normalcy.