It is 2 p.m., and I am talking to my sister-in-law on the phone. I am telling her how excited I am about the guy I recently met online. Well, maybe I shouldn't use that word, "met," since we have never actually engaged with one another in person.
This is one thing that is so weird about online dating (and quite troublesome for someone sensitive like myself). In my heart, I often feel like I know a guy just through emailing, texting, and occasionally talking over phone conversation. My heart jumps in before we even shake hands.
Last year, one would have thought I learned my lesson in this particular area when I talked with a soldier who was stationed in Afghanistan over a five month period. He even called me! I thought for sure that we would be a couple (or at least talk) when he got back to the United States. But, no, once we were within 45 minutes of each other, rather than 7,314 miles apart, I didn't really hear from him. Yes, I know, this is a red flag signaling that something isn't quite right. I am good at spotting red flags after the fact. My friend, Dave, says that some guys give me red banners, rather than just simply flags. I think he's right.
Back to Mr. Right at 2 pm. Like I said, I was really excited. By 3 p.m., I had my doubts. By 4 p.m., it was over. "It" was over? I guess there was really nothing to be over. It never even started.
What went wrong? The "relationship" was becoming too much work -- and fast -- before we had even met. We couldn't seem to agree on a simple time to meet. He insisted on "today." That wasn't enough notice for me, so I said tomorrow. But, for some reason, he really had to see me today. He even suggested coffee at midnight (after my other plans for the evening). I am smart enough to know that meeting a stranger at midnight is not a good idea. Since tomorrow didn't work for him and since he went from being relaxed and funny to controlling and strange in a matter of moments (is that a red flag or banner, Dave?), there will never be a tomorrow as far as he and I are concerned. Mr. Right turned into Mr. Wrong. I guess I never should have given him the "Right" label in the first place.
What is the point of this story? I don't really know. Will you please tell me? I am an expert in eating disorders and recovery -- not dating.
Is the lesson learned (yet again) not to let my heart move so fast? Is the lesson that I need to stop online dating? Is the lesson that I need to be more cautious when dating online? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Single in Music City,
Jenni
P.S. For those of you who are going to tell me that I will find someone "when I least expect it" or "when I am not looking," please know that we single-types don't necessarily like hearing that (even it if is true). Of course, if you have a new twist on this idea, I'd be interested! Just know that I wasn't looking for most of my life and never met anyone. Maybe I wasn't open to it then? It's possible.
This piece is the first in a series I will be posting related to dating. You will also find this series on my Facebook Notes page. (There are already some great comments posted on Facebook from others!) If you have dated me and you are reading this, thanks for being a part of my experience. This is all in good fun! I am grateful.