Christine Ebersole spends a big part of her workday inhabiting the lives of both real and fictional characters on stage and screen: in her Tony Award-winning role as Big and Little Edie Beale in Grey Gardens, and in films such as Amadeus, Dead Again and My Girl 2. Christine is the mother of three adopted children, two of whom came into her family just days apart. She spoke with me candidly and passionately about the adoption process and life as a working mom ─ and just like on stage, she didn't hold back. 
When you and your husband decided to adopt, where did you begin and how difficult was the process?
It really wasn't a difficult struggle; it was an unfolding. But it's also about letting go and understanding what you can and can't control. My husband, Bill, and I tried having kids naturally, but then I came to a crossroads before my 40th birthday: I realized that my being a mother wasn't limited to my bearing a child. I just knew that I wanted to be a mother, so I offered it up to my destiny to God and to the universe and met with an adoption attorney. The process was not difficult. My two sons were open adoptions and my daughter, Mae-Mae, is from China.
With Elijah, our oldest, it all happened pretty quickly. But with Mae-Mae, our daughter, it was a little more difficult. We had started with an international adoption and it looked like a dead-end, so we started one closer to home and that's how Aron came to us. A few days after Aron was born, we received a call telling us our baby [Mae-Mae] was ready for us in China. So I went one way and my husband went another to bring our children home -- from opposite ends of the world!
Did you run into any obstacles along the way?
In the pursuit of happiness with my family, there were some stumbles. We met a woman who had a baby she needed a family for. We [husband, Bill and son, Elijah] went to her house and I held the baby. My son said, 'Is that my baby brother?' And I said, 'I didn't know.' I didn't really feel it. And the woman ended up choosing another couple; so you really do feel it when it's right.
Did you immediately feel like a mother or did it take some getting used to?
Immediately. With my first child, even before I met him, I knew I was his mother. With all my children I felt this. It was an instinct. Family transcends the flesh. You don't love someone because they look like you, you love their spirit; it's the soul connection.
Have your children always known they were adopted or is it something you and your husband started integrating into their lives when they reached a certain age? How did you approach it with them?
It was always a part of their story, so there was no secrets or anything. I mean, obviously, because they are of different races and backgrounds: Elijah his roots are in Italy, Africa and Ireland; Mae-Mae is Vietnamese and Chinese; Aron is Filipino and part Native American. They have a beautiful story, which makes them unique and it's something they should be proud of. And I'm always including their birth parents in conversation, because they're part of the family too. I'm connected to them as well.
How do you balance family with a theater schedule when you're performing?
It's impossible. I'm grateful for the experience, but it's really, really difficult. Grey Gardens consumed my life for over two and a half years. It really takes its toll on the family. I'm not there to tuck them in, help them with homework and eat dinner with them. When I work on a show, I only have about 20 minutes a day with my family. I'd try and take them to work on the weekends. But they sensed the energy of it all and they were all connected to it.
But at the same time, they're very proud of what I do. It's a sacrifice for everyone and you can't turn the clocks back. I don't regret anything and I'm so grateful for my opportunities and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Are there ever days you feel guilty going off to work?
Yes, of course, I have guilt, I'm a mother. A lot of times when you're on stage you're wondering if they brushed their teeth before bed. Guilt doesn't change anything. It's really a matter of shifting the paradigm to accepting what is. And it's not black and white. You can still love your job and feel guilty. You can still love your child and feel guilty. There's a lot of grey in that. It's about being conscious when you are spending time with your kids, being with them in the moment.
Pretend we're watching a virtual reality show of your family. What would the camera see in a typical day?
You would feel like you were at the zoo or the vet's office. We have so many animals. It's like the Osbournes that way, but without the money. There's a lot of activity, dogs, cats and guinea pigs and my mother lives with us as well ... not in that order! And Nancy, our babysitter is there, too. The camera would never end up finding itself static. It's a very lively household full of life and full of love. It's wonderful chaos.
There will always be something that leaves you challenged as a parent; what is it for you right now?
I think the most challenging thing is having a balance of encouraging and letting go. It's the balance between holding them close enough to let them know that you love and care and would die for them, but at the same time, giving them room and letting go.
An extended version of this interview appears on www.JoFrost.com.
Christine Ebersole will be appearing in Applause! As part of the Encores! Series at New York's City Center. If you didn't get tickets to this sold out show, never fear, Christine's new CD, Sunday in New York, comes out in February.