Dear United States Supreme Court,
I am writing to apply for a position as a Supreme Court justice. I have significant experience in peer mediation and conflict resolution and can be a valuable asset to your bench. As I'm sure you're aware, your court--the Supreme Court--is the final word on all legal matters, marking decisions that reverberate through society for generations. As a Supreme Court justice, I hope to learn the crucial skills required to interpret the Constitution and create a majority opinion. I am certain the Supreme Court will provide me with the training and environment I need to excel in that field.
In my senior year of college, I took a seminar: Mock Trials and Decisions in the Court of Law. It was there that I found a passion for judging, and have aspired to become a Supreme Court Justice ever since my graduation last semester. Although, I am technically a Film Studies major, my liberal arts education, work ethic, and vast knowledge of Kurosawa films in the cinema verite style would bring a fresh perspective to your organization. While some may dismiss my young age of twenty-three as 'inexperienced' and 'illegal,' I note it as an asset: a young person who is active and eager to learn. I have the energy and dedication to edit law opinions deep into the night!
As you can see from my attached resume, my strengths lie in teamwork, communication, and organizational skills. Last summer, I worked at Fuddruckers. My daily responsibilities coordinating food orders and table reservations taught me how to negotiate disputes between customers and the wait staff. My two years of community service at Sunrise Retirement Homes has also trained me to be very comfortable around the elderly, making me an ideal candidate to sit next to Ruth Bader Ginsberg. My previous internship--also at Fuddruckers--introduced me to the importance of customer service and working as a team. These skills, while not directly related to the law can be vital in the day-to-day deliberations of the Supreme Court. I am a good listener, strong at multi-tasking, and can work under pressure. I also love justice.
While I do not currently hold a J.D, I hold the utmost respect for the law and would treat my position as a Justice on the Supreme Court with the reverence it deserves. I have never been arrested, nor traveled outside of the United States. Our law is the only law I know. I understand that Elena Kagan will be confirmed soon, and that your bench has been typically limited to nine justices since 1869, but I hope that you might also make room for me. Writing majority opinions, discussing torts, and e pluribus unum are my life's passions. And while some may feign a desire in the Supreme Court simply for the salary or prestige, I have one sole, sincere, primary interest: telling the rest of America how to follow the Constitution.
I hope that working on the Supreme Court will grant me valuable experience that stretches far beyond what I learned at college or a Fuddruckers internship. I have my own robe, and if necessary, will happily purchase a gavel. I know that serving on the bench with you will be a challenge, but it is a challenge which I am eager to take. If there are no justice positions available, I would also be willing to work as an assistant justice.
Working for your organization has been a lifelong dream of mine; I hope to one day consider myself a proud member of the Supreme Court team. My hours are flexible and I can work overtime on short notice.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing back from you.
P.S. If it helps, I will adopt anyone's opinion of abortion.