No One Likes a Show Off Mom

My family and I are in the midst of looking at colleges. A very stressful time that has both its challenges and rewards. So it is not surprising that most social conversations I have somehow find their way into that subject matter. Well one such conversation took place recently. I walked into a party and chatted with a mom, whom I don’t know socially, who had gone through the college process a total of 50 times. As soon as the topic of colleges and admission opened, she bombarded me with questions to prove how little I knew and how much better her sons and her were.

“Ooooh, your son likes College of William and Mary? That is nice. So cute.”

The questions came, one after another.

-Does your son play sports?

-No.

-Oh that’s too bad.

-Instruments?

-No.

-Wow. Is he into video games?

-Yes.

-Oh well, that sucks. You should have kept him busy! (How dare she?!!) My first son when to La La University where he played La La sport for the entire time. My other son went to this Ivy League, played that sport.

15 minutes of interrogation followed by “look how wonderful my family is” ended abruptly when my husband saw my face and came to rescue me. As he walked up, I said, in Turkish, “I am going to jump off this balcony, save me.” I quickly left and never went back to that corner.

Now the deal is, this conversation really bothered me. That night, the next day, the whole weekend, I was retelling the story. What a show off, how dare she, so on and so forth. She made me feel bad that my son wanted to study psychology and not some engineering degree. She made me feel bad that we didn’t even consider an Ivy League and certainly made me feel bad that I didn’t force my son to continue fencing, soccer, basketball and swimming... All the sports I tried to expose him to that he would rather study then play.

My son is an intellectual kid who didn’t want to play a sport and I didn’t make him. He loves music and strumming his guitar but had no interest in concert hall performances. He is accomplished in his own way and would make an asset to any college he decides to attend. He is a debater, traveler, giver, and he is kind. He is the kind of kid that gives his all to the things he loves not the things we force him into.

So, why did she bother me so much?

She was a show off. No one likes a show off. I thought that was the problem here until I took an objective look back. I was wrong to be so mad at her. The woman was not trying to make me feel bad, she was trying to make herself feel good. She probably dedicated hours and hours to the upbringing of kids who were going to go to Ivy League schools. She probably sacrificed a lot and may be even lost track of who she was, so busy attending to her prodigies. Now she was done and armed with her report card on how well she did as a mom. So she was not showing off her kids but actually herself. So the moment I realized that this conversation had nothing to do with me, I was relieved and I let go.

So here it is. When someone is out in your face telling you how great their kids are, they are not really saying your kids suck. They are just trying to make you believe how great they are, which likely is not something they believe in to begin with. So smile next time you encounter someone like this and nod and tell them they rock but don’t linger as long as I did. And certainly, do not take it as a report card on your own kid or your parenting for that matter.