"Quantum of Solace" Green Review (with Spoilers)

WARNING: If you have not seen "Quantum of Solace," read no further. I will spoil a plot point or two in the words below. Go check out a roundup of spoiler-free Quantum of Solace reviews.

Let me start by saying that I was told to go see the new James Bond movie because I would be impressed by the way that the environment was featured in the film.

So take what I say with a grain of salt. I liked the movie. Really, I did. I enjoyed it even though I am a James Bond neophyte (don't worry, I took a James Bond expert with me: "Dave, this is the first Bond theme that is a duet," he said). It was just what I needed on a Wednesday: all action, no thinking. But I will be reviewing it here through the lens of someone who went looking for "green" stuff.

Specifically, I was told to go because -- and here comes a potential spoiler -- the lead villain in the film is trying to choke nations by controlling their water. And what a villain! I can hardly imagine a world in which private individuals or corporations try to buy up and control natural resources precious to the well-being of others and then charge them for it! Ho ho! What a world it would be.

(I trust you'll Google water privatization later.)

Well, our villain is not only a big-time jerk, but he is also the chief of a huge organization called Planet Greene, which is supposed to be a philanthropic organization that has the planet's best interest at heart. Oh no! Some people who say they are green are not green! Let me underscore something for effect later: the organization is huge. They are going underground and building dams to stop water from going to wells on farms and in villages. This is not a one-man shop.

At any rate, James Bond is a little concerned, it seems, that the villain will be taking advantage of Bolivia, but really he's a little more interested in helping a new friend get revenge, which ties up neatly with chasing after the villain. Bond's true primary objective in the film is avenging the death of a woman he loved.

So, off we all go, chasing revenge in cars, on boats, in a hybrid SUV, over rooftops, with guns, with knives, with fists and of course with bedroom eyes.

And in the end, we get our man. Yes, our friend gets her revenge, we get our revenge, and, aha, we have our villain, who is left for dead in the middle of a desert with only motor oil to drink. Fitting, no?

So, why did I leave steamed?

Well, they just did away with the guy at the top! But it's a huge organization that controls 65 percent of the water in Bolivia and charges an outrageous amount to Bolivians for it! The man was killed, but the attack on the environment was a raging success! I mean, my God, It was the only part of the film that was realistic!

That and the everything green was terrible in the film. The top green guy was a villain, everything that was powered by hydrogen blew up... they could have completed it by somehow shooting solar panels at someone, I guess. Though, to be fair, they also killed someone with oil in an homage to Bond classic "Goldfinger," as another "Quantum of Solace" review here on HuffPost points out..

Point is, go see the movie for fun, but don't let anyone tell you it has an environmental message. And oh yeah, weren't you going to Google water privatization?

For later, here areeight movies that have more to do with the environment than "Quantum of Solace" did, including "Biodome." I don't know, maybe I'll add "Quantum." I need to think about it.