I wore my pantsuit yesterday and voted for the first woman president. I became a member of Pantsuit Nation on Facebook and Liked and commented on the thousands of posts that demonstrated hope and tolerance and vision. Then, later, I turned on the television and watched the screen grow more and more red. I decided I couldn’t watch anymore and I turned it off, went upstairs to bed and tried to get some sleep.
Waking up this morning to the news that Donald Trump will be our 45th president is disturbing, but not shocking. Throughout the campaign I have sought to understand why such a mean and nasty person could garner the loyalty and support of so many and I have come to the conclusion that it’s because people are hurting. We’ve been hearing this, haven’t we? But mostly the media has been saying that people are angry. But angry people are typically hurting people. And when people are deeply hurting, they can’t see how much they’re hurting others.
It might not make sense, but I see it all the time. In my day job, I work with divorced and separated parents. The people with whom I work are in the midst of one of the top three stressful life experiences and they are not on their best behavior. When I supervise a visit between an estranged parent and their child, I report to the court about their interactions. And still, they rant, they rave, they don’t show up, they’re rude, they’re inappropriate with the kids. I’ve had a few parents actually threaten me. And it used to astound me when these parents would act this way. I take notes! One wants to assume that these parents love their kids and want the best for them, but, honestly, at times it was difficult to see that.
The kids come in with their own problematic behavior, but adults in the helping professions expect that and we’re prepared for it. It was developing an understanding about what the kids were going through that gave me--finally--insight into their parents’ conduct. Once I was able to look behind the angry outbursts or vindictive manipulations I realized that most of them are terrified; worrying about their own behavior wasn’t even on their radar. They couldn’t see that their actions might possibly be affecting anyone else...particularly their child, even if I pointed it out afterwards. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s the way of human behavior.
Donald Trump can never represent me; he didn’t during the campaign and he won’t during his term in office. But he’s in power and he has shone a big bright light on the suffering in this country. When you fall in line behind a bully, it’s because you’re scared. That’s why nobody cared about all the outrageous and horrifying things he said over the last several months. You don’t listen to anything a bully says, because he’s going to protect you, and that’s all you need to know. Also, you can’t call out your protector for saying something bad or he might not protect you anymore. A bully’s allegiances are written on weakness; as flimsy as his promises. I don’t believe for one minute that he will be a fair or effective leader. He’s already demonstrated that in his business dealings and in his presidential campaign, using intimidation and nastiness to bring the masses of scared and hurting people to his side. They’re going to need some compassion and it won’t be from Donald Trump.
But I’m not hurting. I’m not scared. I’m actually a little pissed, if I’m honest. But, I still believe in the strength and power of love. I will always believe in it. I texted with a couple of friends this morning and I wrote “stay in touch” to both of them. I think that’s important right now...to stay in touch. Stay in touch with the force of a campaign that was inclusive of the diversity that makes up our country. Stay in touch with the support of friends and colleagues who will continue to work towards keeping open-mindedness and tolerance as part of our national message. Stay in touch with the acceptance you demonstrate to others when you reject hate and live love. #LoveWins. Every time.