Why do sushi rolls get such annoying names? When did someone decide that a shrimp tempura roll with avocado should be a Komodo Dragon roll and that anything served at a restaurant should be called a "Wet Dream?" Sushi is one of those foods that relies on the high quality of its ingredients, and the expertise of its chefs. If there was ever a food that silly names shouldn't defame, be they lewd, girly or just downright stupid, it's sushi.
Sushi, in our minds, is sacred. When the fish is so fresh it melts in your mouth and the rice just a hint vinegary, and the seaweed crisp but not too crunchy, a mouthful of sushi can transport us to the sushi counters in Japan we've never even been to. While it may not be for everyone, we bet everybody can agree that no food need suffer the blasphemy of being named a "Butterfly Roll."
Here are some of the world's most annoying sushi roll names. When we're done being angry and even a little offended by them, we just have to laugh. Laugh, and seek out some serious sushi.
A California roll baked with cream cheese and shrimp on top, with a sweet yam sauce and eel sauce
Need we say anything more?
You The Man Too !!!
Spicy tuna roll with salmon with salmon and avocado on top... spicy mayo sauce
When sushi isn't busy being really girl, it's aggressively bro-ish.
Sweet 16 Roll
Shrimp tempura, avocado inside with spicy crab mix caviar on top
This one sounds straight out of Bridesmaids. "Uh you better not keep my Lil on a leash, because I still need my drunken Saturday nights at Rock'N Sushi, okay? Wooh!"
California roll topped with a creamy sauce and broiled shrimp; served warm
We're not sure what's worse. The name or the fact that it's served WARM. This is ridiculously off-putting.
I Did Your Girlfriend
Inside: Calamari tempura, crab and cucumber; Outside: Lobster and spicy soft shell crab, eel sauce
We hate everything about this. Really, what's not to hate?
Inside: Shrimp tempura, avocado, crab meat, cucumber; Outside: Fresh water eel, avocado, spicy crab shred
Roll In The Hay
Tuna tempura, avocado, cucumber, crabmeat with eel sauce
Oh god please make it stop.
Sexy Lobster Roll
Tempura lobster, asparagus, avocado, lettuce, tobiko, almonds, black sesame seed with chef’s special sauce
If you can explain to us what's sexy about this roll, then you have to eat it.
There was no description of this roll on the menu, which is probably for the best.
Spicy Lovers Roll
Mackerel, ginger, spicy jalapeño pepper
We'd be so embarrassed to utter this roll's name out loud, it's a good thing we have no interest in ordering it.
Yellowtail, shrimp tempura, smoked jalapeño, cilantro
None of this is working. And please, can we agree once and for all to keep jalapeños out of sushi? Save them for where they belong. (We're not even going to touch cream cheese...)
Chicken, cheese, tobiko, lettuce, shinko, cucumber and spicy unagi sauce
We don't think you can call this sushi, and we can't tell if that makes the name more or less acceptable. We're gonna go with "less."
Passion Of Rice
Tempura prawn, spicy tuna, avocado, topped with salmon, jalapeños, torched with garlic miso sauce, sriracha, lemon and sesame seeds
First of all if you really wanted to make this work, you need a "the" in there -- not that we're encouraging it. We want nothing to do with this roll or its half-hearted name.
Crabstick, peanut flax seed oil and tempura flakes wrapped in salmon and black sesame seed
Flax seed oil? What's going on here? Does this "power roll" come with a power yoga class?
Fried oyster wrapped with eel
We refuse to order this on principle.
Geek Girls Gone Wild
Tempura prawn, spicy tuna, topped with avocado, maguro, hamachi, spicy miso sauce, sweet soy sauce, tobiko, scallions and sesame seeds