A little while ago, I took a poll on Facebook to get peoples’ opinions on dating.
And almost no one said, “Dating is amazing. I can’t wait to meet someone incredible and fall in love with them.”
Now, there are so many reasons why people might get frustrated by dating.
In the 18 years I’ve been a coach, I’ve seen dating really change, and I don’t think it’s changed for the better.
I’ve written and talked a lot about online dating, and especially swiping apps, which have really made it so much more difficult to connect.
But right now, I’ll give you another big reason. And I’ll warn you, it may be controversial.
But I would challenge you to hear me out on this, because I can almost guarantee it’s going to open your eyes and your mind and your heart.
The 2016 Election Hangover
It's been a year since the presidential election that divided this country more than ever before.
I remember when the 2016 election ended. I remember all the depressing quotes, all the people who wanted secede from the United States or move to Canada.
All the women that would never ever date a man that voted for Trump.
Trump men saying they would never date a woman who voted for Hillary.
People were arguing and talking about it non-stop.
There were marches all over the place.
People were saying that Hillary was robbed.
And right now, it’s been over a year since all that.
Yet, it’s still so fresh in our minds. So many people haven’t moved past election day.
And I really think the state of dating in America could be a direct reflection to the hangover that we have from the election of 2016.
People are Letting Donald Trump Ruin Dating for Them.
The other day I was looking at Bumble with a friend of mine, helping him write his profile (if you can call 180 characters a “profile”).
And when I looked at some Bumble profiles, I still saw about 25% of the women writing in their profile
If you voted for Trump, swipe left.
I thought this was crazy.
So I went to my friend's Tinder account, and I read the same thing.
About 25% of women, still, one year after the election, will literally say, if you voted for Trump, swipe left.
And I started thinking to myself, is the idea of Hillary being president really THAT important?
Look: I’m NOT saying politics aren’t important. I’m NOT saying who’s president is not important.
But is it really as important as so many people are making it? Think about what you’re actually saying, if you don’t want to date a Trump voter, or if you won’t date a Hillary voter.
You’re eliminating 50% of the country.
Let’s just call it 50%. I know Trump didn’t win the popular vote, but we’ll call it 50%.
So that’s 50% of the potential soul mates. You just cut the men who you can fall in love with by 50%.
And when you do that, you’re basically telling telling the universe that love is not high on your priorities. You’re saying, “Well, it would be nice to find love. But Hillary being president is more important.”
I'm not going to get political, and I'm not going to give you my own viewpoints on Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.
But as a dating and life coach, it amazes me.
We’re All So Stuck in the Past.
One year later, the divide in dating is still so large. People are still campaigning in their mind for Hillary Clinton and the fantasy of her presidency and how it would be far more better and powerful than Donald Trump's.
And that's a big problem.
Love works the same, whether you voted for Hillary or Tump or Mickey Mouse.
It works only when you live in the present, not the past.
When we live in the past, when we go back into the past, we're never in the present, we're never in full acceptance of the reality that we're being given at that moment.
And if we're not embracing and living in the reality of the moment, then we have no way of seeing the gifts that are being given to us in the present.
I see it all the time when I’m coaching. Life gives you so many opportunities to fall in love with someone amazing. It happens 24/7 every day of our lives.
But you have to see those opportunities, and you can’t see those opportunities when you’re stuck in the past.
Think about that the next time you think about how you're dating. Because if you're not accepting your present reality, how can you possibly find love?
How can you possibly find love when you're so stuck in the past?
It doesn’t matter what your past is, whether it’s constantly thinking about the election of 2016, or your divorce in 2011.
It's no different. The past is gone.
You need to let it go in order to embrace the present and embrace the love that you truly desire.