There's no ignoring the fact that transgender citizens are at the bottom of the totem pole in our society these days. Our physical appearance is under constant scrutiny from complete strangers.
I always notice people inspecting everything about my appearance, down to the very size of my feet. And even when these people are caught gawking, some of them have no shame and will continue to stare.
It doesn't matter if you're at the grocery store, the coffee shop or on a nice dinner date, if you're someone who is transgender people are going to stare at you.
I've grown accustom to all the gazing and realized that for now it simply comes with the territory.
One thing I haven't gotten used to, however, are those who will take it a step further and tell you what they think of you.
One time, I was walking to catch the subway and I had a man shout transphobic slurs at me. While I was offended, I was also somewhat grateful they were transphobic and not homophobic remarks because it meant that this man had identified me correctly.
But regardless, it was a transphobic slur.
Once I finally got onto the subway, I walked past a man who grabbed me by my arm and demanded my phone number.
That's right, he grabbed me by my arm. Something a man would never do to a cisgender woman. I was startled, so I politely and enthusiastically gave him a phone number I deactivated a year or so ago.
This all goes back to trans women being viewed as objects or things that don't deserve the same respect everyone else does, so people are more comfortable putting their hands on us and shouting at us.
Only when you're transgender do strangers publicly bad mouth you and aggressively hit on you all within the same five minutes. Everyday.
But I am an optimist. An eternal optimist. And despite it all, I decided it would be beneficial for me to further my education. This decision was about self development and making myself a better young woman who can contribute even more to our world. That was my plan.
I figured if any environment would be better for me it would be school. This was a plan I assumed to be very realistic and viable for me. But once I actually set foot in the classroom, that all changed.
I provided every instructor I had with a typed letter containing information on which pronouns and name to address me with. I also included additional information on hormone replacement therapy in the letter, since I was just beginning my transition and noticeable changes were going to take place during my time spent at school.
I wanted to educate my professors just as they were supposed to educate me. I thought the information sheet I took the time to create for them would have a positive effect and bring some awareness to my instructors about what a young trans woman's body and mind go through.
Despite my efforts, I was met with resistance and disrespect almost immediately after beginning the semester. I was referred to as both "he" and "she" during the same class period. This was completely humiliating for me and it caused a great deal of confusion among my peers and I.
Not to mention, I was snickered and gawked at by my professors the moment my breast buds began to show through my shirt. Never once was I called upon to answer questions in class.
I quickly realized this environment was no different than the type of treatment I received from the rest of the world. Only this felt worse because I actually confided in these professors, I don't confide in the rest of the world. Because of the mental trauma I was enduring, I was unable to stay focused or learn anything in class.
I was so angry and upset. I'm a young woman who just wanted to better herself and I was robbed of that opportunity simply based on who I am. Receiving this type of treatment in school made me realize there is no haven for me.
Ultimately, I would end up dropping out due to the lack of available assistance and depression hindering me from attending class. I couldn't continue to deal with the same people's ignorant remarks and the consistent mistreatment.
The factor I find most interesting in all this is that none of the disrespect, mistreatment or discrimination I endure has anything to do with me. But it does have everything to do with the public's capacity to understand trans people.
For some reason, the idea of who a person is on the inside is completely unfathomable to the majority of the population. This says far more about how shallow our society is today than it ever could about trans men and women. Do people really believe who a person is on the inside doesn't matter? Sad.
As a community we have started to become the modern day lost civilization, slowly vanishing through marginalization and discrimination.
If people only knew how much they could learn from us I think they would treat us much differently. We are a wise, strong, intelligent and creative population. We also have wonderful insight, as there is a very specific type of wisdom pertaining to gender that trans people acquire throughout their transition.
We deserve to be here, and this world belongs to us just as much as it belongs to everybody else. I know it won't be this way forever, but the time for people to start understanding and cherishing us is now.
The amount of strength we carry also deserves honor and respect.
The discrimination, the violence and the hate towards us has to stop. Because the truth is, our planet will lose some of its vibrancy without us here.