My son got married a few weeks ago. However, what should have been a weekend of unadulterated delight was filled with moments of sadness. Not because I don't like his new wife or because I'm estranged from my son -- no, I was unhappy because my ex-husband invited his girlfriend.
Your letter is not about your ex being a d*ck. If he were a d*ck, you would have stopped thinking about him by now. But you are thinking about him. Almost a year later, and you're reaching out to me, too. You said you shouldn't be thinking about him though. Has someone told you that? Often our friends do.
I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. The body-numbing, time-stopping, paralyzing feeling of hearing your spouse say they are no longer in love with you. It seemed my worst fears had come true; he'd fallen in love with someone else and wanted a divorce.
Life does that, it patiently waits for you to catch up with it, always reminding us that it is also short. There may not always be a tomorrow. Stop saying I will do that when.... Or I will be better when... start living your life. Don't make life wait patiently on you.
Consider this a litmus test for moving on. ✔️
I have family and friends whom I love and care for, multiple work responsibilities, and personal and professional aspirations for the future. I want and need to be able to continue. So, yes, I move on - not from, but with my brother. Moving on with him gives me a chance to live.
Did it ever happen to you to sit at a table in the food court at the mall, having lunch with your friends, and when you leave the table to buy an ice cream, you discover that you have zero money left in your wallet?
Exiting any marriage, no matter how long or brief, is always heart wrenching and also an adjustment.
Just small samples at first, until I get you hooked on the power of it. You jones for the moment you can use your no on someone or something. Then that moment happens. Someone asks for something you are just not feeling like giving right then. And no takes over and it spills out of you. Elation and joy ensues. You are hooked and I'm on to the next corner of yessers.