In case the chilly weather, pumpkin spice lattes and spooky decorations haven't given it away, Halloween is almost here. Sure, costumes and scary movies are great, but everyone knows the best part of Halloween is... the candy.
Let's be honest here: The only silver lining to traipsing around the block while your kid begs for candy is knowing that the official parenting handbook gives you first right of refusal on all of the sugary goodness your kid's plastic pumpkin can carry. So, do I ever question whether or not I should steal candy from my own child? Not for a damn second, and here's why:
1. I have heard about Halloween since June, and I won't stop hearing about it until February.
2. I've had to say no to buying large bags of Halloween candy every time I've taken a trip to any store for the last six weeks.
3. The only costume my newly postpartum belly can pull off is a partially deflated balloon.
4. It's getting cold, so I need to add some fat to my body to survive the chilly weather.
5. I ruined my nails scraping pumpkin goo and seeds for 45 minutes before my daughter decided she was no longer interested in carving pumpkins.
6. While black may be slimming, the baggy black jumpsuit, cat ears and painted nose my kid insisted I wear to the school Halloween Festival did not make for my cutest look.
7. I'm just doing my part to combat the childhood obesity epidemic.
8. I will be wiping off the orange and black glitter we used for our failed Pinterest decorations until March.
9. Everyone knows that candy stolen from your children is low-carb and fat free. I've actually heard it boosts your metabolism!
10. Because I'm a mom and I said so.
Sorry, kid. I call dibs on all of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.