10 Tenets of Young Christians

The tongue is like a fire. It both blesses and curses (or cusses, yo.)

1. Loving coffee. (It's talked about the way alcohol is talked about by frat boys.)

2. Being 10 years behind the fashion curve.

3. "Ironic" t-shirts: clever not cruel (see above).

4. Being self-righteous.

5. Telling you how different they are and espousing you take up the cross and follow the Lord (if you are white, have no facial hair -- or have ironic facial hair -- tuck in your shirt, tuck in your polo shirt, wear khakis, iron your khakis, or get your mother to iron your khakis, go on mission trips to foreign countries -- such as France, for example, to, ya know, convert the "natives" -- but never step outside your clean environment to minister to hurting people down the street.)

6. Using comic sans to write blog posts that are judgy and preachy about how serious you need to be about stopping your bad behavior and not being judgemental (always spelled with an "e,") to follow the Lord.

7. Complaining about how there was a guy working at Chick-fil-A who looked gay.

8. Saying, "Awesome!"

9. Playing guitars (badly), being delusional about poor guitar playing. Also, for extra points, wearing hipster hats with ironic facial hair and ironic t-shirts that are not profane, etc., while drinking coffee and strumming guitars (badly).

10. Overestimating how "awesome" the above are. And beards (authenticity).

Plus, coffee, bad singing, delusional attributions to such singing, and hipster hats. And awesome.