Just in time for Mother's Day: a brilliant book for the plastic surgery-seeking mommy. When her young children have questions, Dr. Michael Salzhauer, the book's super-hero doctor, has answers. My Beautiful Mommy is aimed at kids aged 4-7 and attempts to demystify such childish concerns as why mommy is going under the knife in the first place; why her boobs, tummy and nose will look different, and why she'll be all bandaged, bruised and full of drains when she comes home from her doctor's visit. The book makes it easy to understand that eventually she won't only look different, she'll look "prettier."
Sounds good, right? In this day and age when we're our kid's best friends, isn't full disclosure is in order? In fact, we think the book stops a little short and could be more helpful to a young tot if it were done in, say, Pop-Up form. As mother and child turn the page, they could watch cartoon-mommy's boobs grow bigger and bigger and together they could pick a size. Or, maybe there could be a virtual component to the book. During the child's next play date, all of the kids could gather around the computer, upload a picture of plastic surgery-seeking mommy and give her a makeover. What fun! Soon all of the kids will want their mom to be a plastic surgery-seeking mommy, too. Other books in the series could include Mommy, If You Were Prettier, Would We Have a New Daddy?, Mrs. Smith Is Prettier Than You. and Fix It.
But let's not forget the kids who might learn better with a hands-on approach. We're not suggesting that a plastic surgery-seeking mommy let her child feel her up, but perhaps a doll could come in handy. To accompany the book, the "My Beautiful Mommy Doll" would have loose abdominal skin (from carrying the kid who''s done the damage), saggy breasts (from the kid she bothered to breast feed) and a nose that could use a little adjustment. To help the youngster understand the transformation, the toy would also include a selection of breast sizes, a small tummy "scar" (actually a hidden pocket for all that loose tummy skin), and a variety of noses. While we're at it, why not throw in bandages, drains, and an erasable marker to create bruising! The first 100 sold could even come with their own tiny pain meds (not to worry plastic surgery-seeking mommy, it's only gum--but, you'll get the real stuff)!
Wondering if we've lost it? Hoping we are kidding? Well, we are, but Dr. Salzhauer is for real. His book explains the tummy tuck and the nose job, but doesn't actually mention the boob job directly. Instead, the new and improved mommy is simply shown with quite a pair. He told Newsweek, "The tummy lends itself to an easy explanation to the children...[but] the breasts might be a stretch for a six-year-old." We're sure there was no pun intended and wonder if, perhaps, he's leaving room for a sequel? Supposedly he wrote My Beautiful Mommy to help kids deal with their "confusion" and anxiety about their mothers' bandages and general immobility. "Parents generally tend to go into this denial thing. They just try to ignore the kids' questions completely." The children are often "frightened" when they accompany their moms to his office and he truly wrote it "with the best of intentions."
Uh, what? Tell your kids you are having plastic surgery? Bring them to the doctor's office? Not only will this totally freak them out, but does your 7 year-old really need to know that you are dissatisfied with your body and feel the need for surgical enhancement?! Might you give them the message that some day they won''t be good enough either? Or possibly even make them feel guilty for "what they've done" to you? Now, don't get us wrong -- we're all for plastic surgery if it's something a woman (or man) wants to do. We truly pass no judgment, but seriously, if you can''t figure out a way to keep it from your kids then maybe you just shouldn't do it. Really, some things should just be left untold.
What do you think? Tell your tot -- or not?