Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
honestly obsessed w the high drama of toddlers. my 2 year old fell & bumped her knee and she looked up at me like an ailing Victorian child & said “will I ever walk again??????????”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 9, 2024
My teen is taking the SAT today. As we were walking out the door, I asked her if she needed a special pencil. She looked at me and said We take it on computers. The air hung quiet between us. Oh I said. Huh I said. It’s the first year she added If it makes you feel any better.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) April 10, 2024
Bluey referenced “mitochondria” and I immediately said to my 4yo “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” like a sleeper agent who just heard their activation phrase
— Jax ⚡️Philosopher Queen (@Diamond_Jax) April 11, 2024
I did the age old threat to my 3 year old that if she didn’t pick up her toys all over her room that I would throw them away,….. this girl looked me in the eyes & said “do what you gotta do, have fun”
— 𝒥𝑒𝓌𝓁𝒾𝑒 (@jelly_ehles) April 11, 2024
MA’AM!!!!!!
Not to brag or anything, but I can cause a tantrum just by giving my kid exactly what he asked for.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) April 11, 2024
4-year-old was saying good night before bed and she said “I love you Mama you’re the most beautiful princess in the world,” and then turned to her dad and said “You’re the butler.” She gets it.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 9, 2024
I told him we have stairs and he said he likes stairs
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 10, 2024
-my kid, really selling this playdate to his friend
Preschool teacher: “So when it comes to his school pictures, you might be … disappointed” lol I can’t wait to see these
— Jenée (@jdesmondharris) April 11, 2024
I took my toddler to a birthday party and before we left I told him about all the activities they'd be doing. Apparently, the only thing he cared about was cupcakes because he spent the whole ride whispering "cupcakes" to himself.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) April 11, 2024
Sorry I’m late I had to drive to the reservoir to fill my daughter’s Stanley cup.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 11, 2024
My 3yo told us we should “sell the baby to another family” after she knocked down his block tower, which is honestly so great because he used to tell us to throw her away in the garbage and now he at least thinks she’s valuable enough that someone would pay for her.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 12, 2024
No one:
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) April 10, 2024
Absolutely no one:
No one at all:
My 3yo: MOMMY! MY FINGERS DO NOT TASTE GOOD!
me: ill always love you
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 11, 2024
7: yeah same, especially when you’re dead
me:
7: what? i’ll visit your grave every day!
Damaged my eyes by staring directly at 5th grade math homework
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 9, 2024
Went to the zoo yesterday and got to hear my kid and their friends argue “I saw the animal first!” at each stop, in case you were thinking of doing that soon.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 11, 2024
Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 11, 2024
People have genuine worries about life, and I’m over here always in fear that my toddler, who refuses to let me cut his jagged toenail, will throw his feet around at night when sleeping next to me and poke my eyes out.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 10, 2024
Parents of toddlers are the biggest gamblers like when your kid asks to help but you’ve just finished so you say something like: I’m done mixing the ingredients but I really need someone to watch them bake, and then you hold your breath hoping they don’t call your bluff
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 7, 2024
Thoughts and prayers for 9 who we "forced" to change out of the joggers he's been wearing for 7 days straight and into some clean pants this morning
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 8, 2024
I took a few days off to spend time with my teen on spring break and by spend time I mean listen to him yell at his Xbox.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) April 8, 2024
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