Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Work hard all year to take your family on a beach vacation so you can listen to your kid ask to go to the pool instead of the ocean.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 22, 2016
No problem, I'll just sit over here and wait patiently.— Diane Huntington (@idtweetforever) July 19, 2016
- said no kid ever
The great thing about Disneyland is you can pay top dollar to listen to your kids argue at "The Happiest Place on Earth."— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 21, 2016
My daughter had to sit in my office at work for a bit and ruined my career by yelling "oh, can I play Pokemon too!" at the top of her lungs.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) July 19, 2016
If I'm saving my kid's life at the pool the whole time, who is saving my life while they try to drown me the whole time?— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) July 17, 2016
Downward facing dog but one kid is sliding down my back and the other has already de-pantsed me.— Heather has kids (@heatherhaskids) July 22, 2016
My 3YO thinks Oregon is actually called "Or" and we've just already been there.— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) July 17, 2016
Want to go to Oregon?
Yeah! I want to go to Or! Again!
When someone asks what it's like to be a mom I show them the magazine I've been carrying for 6mths,because dammit I'm gonna read it one day.— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) July 21, 2016
A 1986 Buick just drove by us and my 8yo told my 5yo to look at the car from the 1800s in case anyone thought kids have a grasp of time.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) July 20, 2016
Playing Twister with your kids is a great way of feeling young at heart, but old on every other part of your body.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) July 19, 2016
Scheduled 3 dental, 1 glasses and 2 doctor appointments in the next week. It's the "End of Summer Dash." Hope I get a t-shirt.— Mary (@AnniemuMary) July 22, 2016
Me: Did you wash your hands?— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2016
Me: They're still completely dry.
6: You didn't say "today."
My baby girl sneezed the cutest sneeze on me yesterday...I am now bed ridden.— Shock Jacques (@jnyemb) July 18, 2016
Kids: What's for dinner?— Amanda Rodriguez (@thedudemom) July 19, 2016
Me: I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative. One that I never asked to be a part of.
Why is play cleaning so much fun, but picking up their toys is so far fetched?— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) July 21, 2016
At the Lego store:— Stacey Sordahl (@DrunkAtThePTA) July 21, 2016
Would you like a bag?
No, just dump them right into this vacuum canister and we can cut out the middle man.
My 3-year-old brushing her 5-year-old sister's hair? Cute.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 20, 2016
Using my toothbrush to do it? Not-so-cute.
If you're happy and you know it... You're probably not my kid during dinnertime.— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) July 20, 2016
I asked the kids to pack their own bags for our wknd trip & looks like they'll be walking around the beach naked w/fistfuls of Legos & candy— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) July 21, 2016
Every commercial that advises kids to "ask your parents to download this app!" is my least favorite commercial.— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) July 18, 2016