[In July, the day after my wife passed away, The Huffington Post published my article on "Gratitude, Not Grief." With all the trauma now fading memories, I have entered a new and rather exciting phase of my life.]
For some of you looking for a reasonably safe adventure, you might want to consider roasting a turkey for the holiday season. I would like to share with you my first attempt.
I noticed that Safeway was charging only $3.99 for any turkey 16 pounds or less... not per pound, but per whole fowl. (Later I learned that various supermarkets also had similar sales, and, for all I know, this happens every year at this time. I would imagine that a state like Minnesota, which is noted to produce the most number of turkeys--the kind you eat--must give them away for free. Oh, another nice piece of trivia is that the US annually raises just about as many of these birds as our total population.)
For that price, I would have been satisfied with a pigeon-sized bird, but the smallest one I could find was 11 pounds. Then, I couldn't check out because the fine print said I had to have a bill of at least $20. But that was no problem, since I bought a few more necessary items. Unfortunately, at home, I couldn't fit it into the refrigerator, so I placed it into one of those insulated bags for defrosting.
The next day I learned from my golf group that it would be smart to first soak the bird in a saline bath to kill the salmonella and such, and add some taste. I did not have enough salt, so again I went to the market and bought a whole standard model cylindrical container of salt for all of $1.07. Amazing, considering the one pound 10 ounce weight and shipping cost. I then thought about cranberry sauce and sweet potato, but, no, it was not really that day yet, and I would see too much of it on November 26, so I went home with only the salt.
However, circumstances prevented my actually placing the bird in the oven at that moment, so I added ice as necessary. Already it was much more work than I wanted, especially as I don't particularly like turkey.
Rather than going to the Internet, I noticed a large brown Treasury of Great Recipes in the kitchen, and found "Roast Turkey Wayside Inn." I hate cloves, parsley, thyme, neck, heart, liver and giblet, so I purposely left them out. Oh yeah, you need to remove those organs inside of the turkey. There was also a plastic contraption which served no particular function to me, and maybe could melt in the oven, so with great difficulty, I removed it. Maybe a reader will comment on this matter.
I'm also not a great fan of bread stuffing, so I created my own: cooked rice, can of corn, water chestnuts, and chopped macadamia nuts/mushrooms/onion. I found some bacon, and with some irony noted that it was made of turkey. So that's what Pearl was feeding me. Anyway, I crisped the bacon and worked it in with a raw egg, plus some salt and pepper. The whole concoction perfectly fit into the turkey and I tied the legs to keep everything in place, barely. Into a large pan with aluminum foil lining, I added two cups of water and a quarter pound of butter.
The main parameters of importance I sought from the book were what temperature (325 degrees F) and for how long. To my chagrin, stated was: ten to twenty minutes per pound. Thus, using a calculator I determined that the oven should be on for anywhere from less than two hours to nearly four hours. I arbitrarily selected three hours. The main thing was to gain the right shade of brown, which was a slam dunk, as the other options are white and black.
The directions called for basting every half an hour. Basting? What's that, and how? Well, that's somehow getting the liquid part in the pan spread over the bird to keep it moist and, ultimately, tastier. I think I needed that bulb and tube thing, but a large spoon sufficed. Be careful, as this can be a dangerous process when the oven is hot.
Well, three hours later, perfecto. After a cooling period, I didn't bother with careful carving because no one was watching and I also never learned. Instead, I cut delectable portions and placed them on a plate. The recipe also called for gravy, but why bother with having to wash another pan and add flour. It would be sacrificed anyway if diet was a factor. I placed a bit of pan liquids over some mashed potato I found in the freezer from a previous experiment, had the outstanding stuffing a la Takahashi and fixed a lettuce and tomato salad with blue cheese dressing. Complemented by a glass of cabernet sauvignon, no, make that two, I had one of my best meals, ever.
You know, maybe now, I might begin to appreciate turkey, which is a good thing because the leftovers filled eight quart size Ziploc bags, and should last me the lifetime of the freezer. For only $70 - $150 I could have bought a whole prepared turkey with all the trimmings from assorted suppliers, but this was for the sheer experience, plus it was incredibly economical. Heck, I even had more than 50 cents of salt left for future use.
My next adventure could well be a goose for Christmas...or, maybe Peking Duck.