Mouth Hunters

I’ve been thinking about buying this old house. Then I was told that it might be time to buy a new mouth.

I can’t afford both.

Let’s say I go with a new mouth. I don’t know if I should buy a mouth that’s move-in ready or a fixer-upper.

A move-in ready one would have great curb appeal. And of course an open floor plan is a must.

The downside: It would be way over budget – and even though brand-new, would have no resale value.

A fixer-upper would be much cheaper, at least on paper. But I’d be taking my chances. Digging into drywall could expose mold and rot. I might have to demolish the whole thing, except for the front. The front might have good bones but I’d probably have to replace a few boards and give it a big-ticket weatherproofing paint job.

Or I could go with the house. The problem would be that after a cleaning, check-up and X-Rays, no honest contractor would guarantee their work because the place is so rickety. A sneeze would knock it down.

It’s all part of getting old. When I was younger all I had to do was move into some place and not forget to floss and brush it twice a day.