The Blog

Sarah Palin's Secret Dictionary

As luck would have it, some friends of mine at Wikileak came upon an unpublished version of Ms. Palin's soon-to-be-best-seller:.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Obama's thought thugs will arrest me for the following blog. But as a journalist, it is my duty to shed light in the darkness no matter the consequences.

As most of you know, short-time Governor and current conservative media starlet, Sarah Palin, got libs in a fluster after she channeled Shakespeare and coined a new word.

I happen to like refudiate, as in "You can refudiate all you want; you're still taking out the trash tonight!"

My Lady of the Tundra likes to push the envelope, no matter if she's raking in 70K per speech or helping her daughter land a reality show.

Of course the libs can't handle her truth, or truthiness. No worries, Ms. Palin has a plan and it involves putting her stamp on the American lexicon.

As luck would have it, some friends of mine at Wikileak came upon an unpublished version of Ms. Palin's soon-to-be-best-seller: Sarah's Secret Dictionary of Important New Words.

Seems an angry neighbor, pissed off about a fence Palin built, found the secret dictionary and passed it to the ground-breaking news leak website. This blistering read goes where so-called linguists Daniel Webster dared not tread.

Webster's dictionary is so 18th Century. And who wants that in the Internet Age?

We all need a little intelligencing now and then. And Sarah is happy to share.

Here now is a sampling of Ms. Palin's new work. Be the first on your block to understand the words of tomorrow today!

BETCHYAD: verb, meaning to mock your audience, your nemesis, and guarantee a soundbite on the evening news.

BRISTOLIZE: noun, meaning to be in a constant state of pregnancy and confusion.

DISCOVERYCHANANELED: verb, to blunder and overpay for services; also to shill for top dollar on a program sure to bore.

FIRSTDUDING: verb, meaning have mutual sex with a professional musher.

FOXPIMPIN: verb, meaning to spew half-truths, political jibber-jabber and folksy chat to an audience of rubes.

GHOSTWRITERED: adj, meaning to employ someone to turn your gibberish into lame prose. As in, "The researcher ghostwritered a book for a famous politician. She got a bundle, he got the boot!"

GRIZZLIABLE: adj, referring to the empty and sick feeling conservative women get whenever Nancy Pelosi appears on screen anywhere in the United States.

HELIHUNTING: verb, meaning to enjoy an outing that involves powerful weapons, helicopters and soon-to-be dead critters.

LEVIATHON: noun, referring to an out-of-control teen-aged boy, who poses naked, attacks relatives in the press, then eats his words for a chance to suck up to a wealthy in-law.

SHAMLESSNESS: adjective; meaning to not give a crap about anyone but yourself, because you just made several million dollars. As in: "The politician bathed in shamlessness when he quit halfway through his term and screwed constituents.

TWEETITATING: verb; meaning to annoy by sharing trite comments as a means to maintain a brand.

WINKYDINKING: verb, as in to send a flirtatious message to an aging male demographic, or to wink in a "bedroom eye" manner at any camera in sight.

(Warning: excessive winkydinking can case some older men, especially Dick Cheney, to suffer heart attacks.)

With luck, the good folks at Wikileaks will continue to share more of the secret dictionary. Now it is up to you to spread these words to the winds.