The looks are obvious. I can read behind a facial expression. The looks of disgust are never ending. It's like fighting a silent war. I don't really look too deep into their faces because I know that my facial expressions can KILL.
I wear my heart on my sleeves so it's hard for me to not be affected by the rudeness of others. I never thought before I made this decision, about the way others would view me. I for once wanted to be happy and not care about what others thought. I don't care what they think now, but I will admit I get extremely agitated by some of the things I notice.
I continue to walk with my head held high because I know no one can judge me but God. I know that God would not have sent this man searching for me unless this was the one I was meant to live my life with. He doesn't care or pay any attention to the 'HATERS' because he has went through this his entire life and is immune to the disrespect of others. I have never done this because I was always afraid of stepping outside of my comfort zone. I worried about what others would say or think if I stepped 'outside the box.'
I did it anyway after years of being unhappy. I started to date a white man. He treated me like a queen. He was truly concerned about my well-being and my happiness. He still is. He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me and I couldn't ask for more. I am the ONLY thing that he needs in his life. He treats me as if I was the ONLY and LAST woman on earth. That white man that hunted me down after I left a family BBQ (he was the friend of someone attending) found someone that had my number and had them call me.
His first words to me was that I was beautiful. He captured my heart right then and there. Every man that I had ever dated always told me I was cute or pretty. Many said that my smile was beautiful but NONE had ever said, I was beautiful. 6 months after dating we were engaged. A year after meeting we were married. We just celebrated our one year anniversary August 2nd of this year. We have had some EVIL stares from people of both races. We have had people shake their heads when looking at us together, people turn their heads when they see us looking at them. I've noticed that most of those behaviors come from white couples.
What I have noticed about the African American side is that the MEN look very irritated and surprised when they see us together. A lot of them look slightly angry and they tend to look at me longer then necessary in inappropriate ways as if they're trying to make my husband angry. I tell him not to worry about it because he has my heart unlike any other man ever has. We walk into some places with our daughter and she'll just talk in her baby language (she's only 1) and some people will blatantly ignore her, some act as if she isn't sitting there near them at all.
I tell myself people not talking, looking, or interacting with you is a part of life PERIOD. Even if I wasn't with a white man with a bi-racial child, someone would find SOMETHING about me to not like. That's the way I have to look at the big picture to keep from being affected in a negative way by the negative reactions we experience CONSTANTLY. Our family's are okay with it and that's all that matters. We are okay with our choice and our family accepts our choice.
I HOPE ONE day that people will realize that love is love. Love is determined by actions, emotions and feelings, not by racial identity. I believe in love and I will love anyone that loves me despite color because love is hard to come by these days. I embrace all that I have been blessed with by dating and marrying my white husband. I'd do it a thousand times over if it meant I'd keep reliving the happiness he has brought me. No one else matters because they're on the outside LOOKING in. I'm in the picture and it's a beautiful one!