If you’ve been single for any stretch of time, you know how presumptuous people can be about the way you live your life: They’re quick to offer advice on your love life, which, even if well-meaning, is rarely solicited by you. Or at work, they’ll assume that you can cover the holidays because hey, you’re single and your family lives in another state anyway.
Society is rife with these kinds of sweeping assumptions. Just ask our readers. Below, they share the most annoying things people have presumed about being single.
Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length.
1. That I’m rich.
“As a single person I’ve heard some wild assumptions about my lifestyle but none more ridiculous than the assumption that I have copious amounts of disposable cash. I have rent, utilities, phone and grocery bills just like everyone else, and I’m not going halfies on any of them! But for some reason it’s assumed that because I don’t have a partner or children that I have nothing and no one to spend money on so I just hoard it? It blows my mind!” ― Leslie Bethany
2. That being single isn’t a choice.
“People assume that I’m single by default rather than choice.” ― Irene H.
3. That I don’t want to go to your kid’s birthday party.
“People don’t invite you to their kids’ parties when you’re single. ‘We didn’t think you’d be into it!’ they’ll say. You have kids and they like to party. Same. There’s nothing worse than seeing the couples from a friend group standing by the bouncy house in photos to a party I wasn’t invited to. All in front of the bouncy house afraid of fun. I would’ve been in there. I love getting stoned and eating cake. I’ll play with you kid. I’ll eat pizza. Does your baby want a gift card to Starbucks? I got them. Invite singles to your kids birthday party. Let them have cake.” ― Tori Pool
4. That my life isn’t fulfilling or joyful.
“My freedom is awesome. There is so much joy in choosing my own path. People think I’m searching desperately for someone to choose me, when in fact I’ve chosen myself. Other assumptions? That I wake up feeling lonely, when the truth is I wake up in joy. That I’m against love, when what I’m against is ending up with someone who doesn’t add to my joy.” ― Catherine S.
“I got divorced in 1988 and never had a desire to marry again. To me, being married meant giving up myself. While I had male friends and lived with two of them, I advised them from the beginning there would be no marriage. Now I’m 70 and some think I should have a ‘partner.’ I am very happy solo: I made my own money, own my own home, make my own orgasms, and traveled. I recently retired, bought a house with my oldest, see my grandson daily, and life is very, very good. I am happy.” ― Donna F.
5. That I want to run my house repair plans by my husband first.
“I love when tradespeople suggest I speak to my husband before deciding on work. I take great pleasure from saying I live alone and make my own decisions.” ― Kath B.
6. That I’m having sex every other night.
“I think it’s hilarious when guys in relationships assume when you’re single you can hook up with everyone you want whenever you want. They seem to forget the time and effort involved in dating. I’m very ambitious and a workaholic so meeting up with strangers is very low on my list of ‘things to do when I have some free time.’ Not to say I don’t want to date, but I think the way they make it sound effortless is comical. ‘Yeah, if I were you every night I’d be hooking up with someone! I’d be going crazy!’ If only it were that easy!” ― James Camacho
7. That I need to lower my standards.
“People assume that my standards are ‘too high’ but I won’t settle for someone that gives off blatant red flags just to be with someone.” ― Lindsey M.
8. I didn’t need my job as much as they did.
“We had layoffs at least three times within a decade while I was at my old job at Hallmark, and there were always rumors about it beforehand for weeks. Most of my coworkers were married and/or had children, and they’d make some pretty sweeping assumptions about the single people around me (as well as myself) having less ‘mouths to feed’ or reasons they needed the job. It was especially ironic given the fact that most of them were married to spouses who also worked at Hallmark and/or were paid well, meaning they had a safety net to fall back on.
I was raised by a single mom who had to plan her whole life around making sure her job was always as close to 100% secure and reliable as possible. I knew what it was like to lack that safety net. I also ended up caregiving for my mom as she died from cancer during one of the sets of layoffs, which made these comments sting quite a bit more. The implication was definitely ‘well, no one is relying on you,’ which was fundamentally not true. During layoffs, it often felt like single people were seen as more expendable.” ― Anna Wenner
9. That the holiday season is one big depression-palooza.
“People assume I’m always sad during holidays. There is nothing sad about not having to be stressed while stopping at different holiday events and trying to make sure everyone’s family is included.” ― Brandi F.
10. That, as a single person, I’m dying to hear everything about their relationship.
“The most annoying assumption non-single people make is that I have a burning curiosity about literally anything that’s happening in their relationship. They assume that, in every conversation we share, there is an elephant in the room waiting to be addressed; that my silence is a cage barely restraining an untamable urge to inquire about the minutiae of moving through this life with a romantic companion. Certainly, if they hadn’t brought it up, I would have asked about the itinerary for the trip they are planning, requested updates on the new surprises in their sex life, and I’d be placing money on the outcomes of the littlest disagreements they have, which are always quickly resolved between the two who are beautifully, tenderly, in love.” ― Rishi Mahesh
11. That I haven’t tried online dating.
“‘Have you tried dating apps?’ I love this question as if it isn’t the bane of every single person’s existence to log onto a dating app only to mind-numbingly swipe right and left in pursuit of the joys of matching with a number of people who will ask how your weekend was, and then never respond when they find out. There’s always the option of talking about your job, which you also hate, and then now you’re annoyed at discussing your unfulfilling labor with a stranger who has assuredly lied about his height being 6’1. Don’t worry, I have therapy after this.” ― Kristina Hart
“People assume that I’m not ‘putting myself out there.’ I looked ‘out there.’ I’m good!” ― Delaney C.
12. That I haven’t “settled down” yet.
“People will say to me, ‘maybe after you settle down,’ which is hilarious, given the general nature of my life. I’m 45 years old and as settled and steady as I’m ever going to be: I’m at the age when I don’t like to drive at night and have to travel with a special therapeutic pillow. I work a steady job, don’t move around a lot, and keep an incredibly regimented schedule and budget.
The only reason anyone would talk to me about settling down is that they must equate being single with being footloose and fancy-free, as if being single means I don’t have a care in the world. Which, naturally, is not the case. I carry all the usual adult responsibilities and yet have no one with whom to share the load. That’s not a recipe for being footloose and fancy-free.” ― Ruth Buchanan
13. That I must be a hot mess.
“There’s this preconception that because you’re single you obviously must be sad about it, wilting away in your loneliness, deprived, suffering, desperate, horny or even desperately horny and you instantly fall into the typecast of all-around hot mess. And what’s sadder is often most of that projection comes from other women not in your position.
I’m guilty of falling into that narrative myself; as a stand up comedian, I’ve found myself almost compulsively writing material about the woes and lows of being commitment-less and navigating casual dating and it took a lot of self-awareness, slowing down and not giving a fuck for me to realize I wasn’t desiring a relationship as much as I thought I was. Maybe I was just letting society’s need for me to settle change my own agenda when in actuality I was plenty busy, fulfilled and content riding solo through my own life and adventures.
I’m a domestic violence survivor who willingly, consciously and carefully took 2-3 years after my last relationship to heal and put myself back together and then spent another year or two moving with this blind pressure of getting into another relationship, something I have full confidence awaits me but this time under the context and timing.” ― Brittany Brave
14. That I’m less deserving of the good vacation days.
“People think I have nothing but free time, and that because of that, I can get the last choice of vacation dates vs. my coworkers.” ― M. Beth Stephenson
15. That at my age, I must really be desperate.
“I married ‘late’ at 39. I was married for five mins, ....er, I mean five years. I’ve been single ever since. Now at 67, it seems like the mature men I’ve dated are all looking for someone to take care of them. I made an active decision not to have children when I was 13. Why would I want to take on a caregiver role to my ‘partner’?” ― Terilee H.
16. That I’m bored at home alone every weekend.
“That we have nothing to do. I see those ridiculous Gen Z posts that are always ‘single people what do you on the weekend?’” ― Lauren M.
17. That I must be gay or asexual.
“That I’m not happy being single or that I must be asexual or lesbian for turning down the opportunity, when in reality, I’m just introverted and don’t like the drama.” ― Deanna Marie E.
