The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
fact: 90% of dates women go on start with them telling their friends "it'll probably suck but whatever"
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) August 12, 2015
Honest barre class slogan: "Your Wife Might Meet Your Mistress Here!"
— Anna Breslaw (@annabreslaw) August 11, 2015
I just had a long conversation with a pregnant woman and my takeaway is that "Vaginal, No Meds" is a pretty sick name for my hardcore band.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) August 10, 2015
The easiest way to a woman's heart is through her boobs.
— House Of Piazza (@MichellePiazza) August 9, 2015
If you want to hide something from me, put it on my voicemail.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) August 13, 2015
I love the idea of communal dining in theory but in practice it's me asking girls w/ resting b face if I can sit next to them all over again
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) August 13, 2015
Trump is the color of that stuff that comes out of you when you have an accident on Alli diet pills.
— Maca Flocka Flame (@steenfox) August 13, 2015
If I die don't let CSI use blacklights on my bed. SO many food stains omg.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) August 12, 2015
You're a busy woman. Let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken's done.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 11, 2015
"Now watch me whip"
No
"Watch me nae nae"
Absolutely not
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) August 11, 2015
I just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
— JAY [ham] KAY (@NurseMurderer) August 12, 2015
"No worries!"
-me, lying
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) August 12, 2015
Next up: Disney princesses without faces
— Chanel (@chanelinezp) August 13, 2015
The only reason I go to the gym is so I can listen to "Jumpin', Jumpin" as I jump rope
— Michelle Persad (@michelleapersad) August 7, 2015
I hope the the HBO/Sesame Street merger reveals that Bert and Ernie live in Carrie Bradshaw's building.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) August 13, 2015
Introverting into another galaxy.
— Saertje (@SaertjeMirror) August 9, 2015
"FINALLY GOT THAT PERFECT BEACH BODY!!!" -my tombstone
— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) August 13, 2015
I use Tinder for the articles
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) August 12, 2015
The contempt I feel for slow walkers who I pass and then cut back in front of me at the crosswalk makes me question my humanity
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) August 11, 2015
Tattoo idea: a big red heart and inside it says "Mashed Potatoes"
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) August 14, 2015
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