US Transfers Airport Security From TSA to TMZ

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Amid growing frustration with the state of airport security in the U.S., the Federal government today transferred all responsibility for screening passengers from the TSA to TMZ, the popular celebrity gossip website.

Effective immediately, TSA personnel will be replaced at the nation's airports by camera-wielding paparazzi who will be paid by TMZ for revealing photographs of passengers.

"For years, TMZ cameras have been trained on celebrities' underpants, whether they're wearing them or not," said TMZ founder Harvey Levin. "This should be just like another day at the office for us."

Additionally, TMZ said it would expand the so-called "watch list" to include such celebrities as Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, and Tila Tequila. More here.