If you're in your 30s and single, you need to read this.

You could, you know. You could be one of the organizing forces of the evolution of humanity over the next century. But, first, you have to get off the middle school playground. You have to let go of your identity as that guy who calls himself Crazy Larry and throws confetti at the camera to sell used cars. You have to get a little more mature, yourself.

Though I do feel slightly panicked when I look in the mirror and see one more wrinkle and one less eyebrow hair, I look at the rest of my life and feel a sense of contentment.

Maybe the focus on age is all wrong. I know very grown up 5-year-olds; I know people in their 80s who seem young and people in their 50s who seem old.