Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Secret to peaceful parenting is to never tell your child the plans for the day— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 16, 2021
Stepping down from my job to devote myself full time to reading the emails from my kids schools— Joseph Birbiglia (@joebirbigs) September 12, 2021
Neighbor: hey is everything okay there’s a lot of yelling in your backyard— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) September 14, 2021
Me: yeah the kids are just attempting to play a game together
When my 4-year-old gets mad at someone in our family she draws a family picture without them. That's the pettiest thing I've ever seen.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 12, 2021
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of relaxing during weeknights we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 14, 2021
Dads just want one thing and it’s to have everyone believe they’re just resting their eyes when they are clearly sleeping— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 15, 2021
My son has been taking money out of my purse and storing it in a plastic bag and hiding it in a book. He is 3. I asked why - he goes “don’t worry, that’s just my secret money”. He has $43. WTF.— Molly (of no relation to fun drug) (@Mollyissilly) September 12, 2021
why can’t there be a school picture package with only 1 big picture and 3 medium ones? has anyone in existence used up 52 wallet sized pics of their kids?— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 15, 2021
My 5-year-old: Grandma is so nice!— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 16, 2021
Me: [mutters] maybe to you.
If the kids can’t find something I say “I think it’s in the car” then I sit in the car for 10 minutes on my own pretending to look for it— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 16, 2021
Parent level: expert
Because I was on a call and could not get her a snack, the six year old handed me a note that said “I hate this stupid dumb world, I want to be happy and I am not” so I guess she’ll be a literary fiction writer— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) September 15, 2021
A Tinder style app that helps parents find other parents to drink with— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) September 14, 2021
I’m Mom. You might remember me from such hits as “Everyone in the Car” and its sequel “What Do You Mean You Forgot to Wear Shoes.”— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 16, 2021
Parenting is about lovingly tucking your kids into bed at night and still waking up with a small foot on your face.— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) September 14, 2021
Trying to decide on a school portrait package that’s somewhere between “I care but I don’t need my son’s face on a kitchen towel.”— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 12, 2021
I caught my 9-year-old helping my 5-year-old with her math homework.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2021
When they noticed I was watching, they started fighting.
Have to keep up appearances.
My 8yo was playing science lab, spilled some concoction on the floor, and made a sign saying “caution: wet floor” instead of wiping it up, parenting is friggin’ ridiculous— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 13, 2021
My kid has Monday off for what school is calling “Family Connection Time.” I’ve had 5 years and 3 summer months of that. Take my kid.— MommyCocktail (@MommyCocktail) September 12, 2021
Been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have.— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) September 15, 2021
It’s kids. I have kids.