Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me: Is that what you're wearing to school today?— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) February 29, 2016
Me: Fine. Just get in the car.
3yo: [Goes to school dressed in stickers.]
Parenting is like nothing else. Except you know those days when you drop everything, stuff breaks and everything goes wrong? It's like that.— Court (@Discourt) February 29, 2016
The kids in carpool this morning didn't seem to appreciate my one-person top-volume sing-along dance party as much as I thought they would.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) March 3, 2016
Every time I see how-to hairstyle videos, I think, "Maybe tomorrow I'll try that" then I slap my hair in a ponytail & just avoid mirrors.— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) March 3, 2016
Until I had kids I didn't realize that "bouncing off the walls" was actually a literal statement.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 29, 2016
You know you have small kids when Inside Out is the only move you recognized at tonight's Oscars— Darin Loves Bacon (@darinlovesbacon) February 29, 2016
*slips moving guy a 20 and a box marked "most annoying toys*— Carly Danger (@carlyken) March 2, 2016
If you could make this one "fall off the truck" there's another 20 in it for ya
I'm not saying I'm a parenting expert, but I did just open up a bag of chips without my kids noticing.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 1, 2016
Me: What was the best part of your day, buddy?— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 2, 2016
6yo: I FINDED A RICE KRISPIE TREAT ON THE FLOOR AT LUNCH SO I ATE IT
Some days my kids act like I invented morning and school— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 1, 2016
Parenting: Does anyone know how to get crayon out....of everything?— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) March 1, 2016
I call my 6yos "sir" because it's important to show respect to those in charge.— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) February 29, 2016
I can't remember what my life was like before I had kids. I think it's required that you trade your memory for kids. Wait what was I saying?— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 1, 2016
8 tried to use the new gallon of milk as a kettlebell and now I am using him as a mop.— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) March 1, 2016
They never explain how Sofia became a princess and it drives be crazy.— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) February 29, 2016
-Thoughts I never had before kids
I've got 99 problems and one of them is eating a whole bag of Cadbury mini eggs for breakfast.— Jessica Watson (@JessBWatson) February 29, 2016
Teach your kids something important, like how to avoid people you know at the grocery store.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 3, 2016
Me: Can you please help me?— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 1, 2016
5: No, but thanks for offering.
I can't tell if he's using manners or sarcasm. Pretty proud either way.
7:00am— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) March 2, 2016
Me: No school today guys.
Kids: YAY! SNOW DAY!
Kids: We're bored.
My 11 year-old just said she was listening to music from 2011- back when music was good.— Tartlandia (@SardonicTart) February 25, 2016
12: What should I wear for the medieval play?— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) March 1, 2016
Me: no idea
12: well you lived in the olden days, what did you wear?
If YouTube has taught me anything it's that the kids are far more amused by people dicking about on Minecraft than anything I have to offer.— Mark, Sonny, & Luca (@sonnyandluca) February 29, 2016