Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Being a parent is pretty fulfilling if you like giving good advice that gets completely ignored 100 percent of the time.— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 15, 2016
After repeatedly telling my kids to get ready for school, it appears they believe this request is optional.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 15, 2016
+ What’s it like being a dad?— dadpression (@Dadpression) August 19, 2016
- Ever watch a 26 minute video of trains going by?
+ Is that a metaphor?
- Not a metaphor.
Kid just finished his assigned summer reading. Bursts out of room: "That book had NOTHING to do with killing ANY mockingbirds."— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) August 15, 2016
Hell hath no fury like a 6yo who had to turn his YouTube video off because it was time to eat.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 16, 2016
Parenting means sometimes you ask your child what they're eating and they pull an entire multi-strand beaded necklace out of their mouth.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 13, 2016
Not saying I deserve a gold medal in parenting, but it's 4:47 PM and my 4yo just yelled "FINE THEN, I'M GOING TO BED!" So you be the judge.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 18, 2016
When I want my kids to eat something the best chance I have is to put it on MY plate, where apparently food becomes immediately appetizing.— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) August 15, 2016
Parenting is basically asking whether people are wearing clean underwear, and wondering why the electric bill's so high.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) August 16, 2016
I've only had two kids for seven months & I already call them by each other's names. It's fine, until 18 they're basically interchangeable.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 16, 2016
daughter= bathroom for 42 minutes— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) August 15, 2016
dad= bathroom finally for 3 minutes
daughter knocking: "hurry up"
Most days I'm thankful for all the joys & adventures of motherhood.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) August 17, 2016
Some days I'm just thankful my kids' lunch boxes are washable.
Me to my son: You remind me of me.— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 16, 2016
Son: That's just mean.
"Mom, I want something quick for lunch. Do we have ribs?" ~Son, 9 who thinks food is like magic.— The Next Martha (@TheNextMartha) August 16, 2016
Practicing for the first day of school by muttering "we're late," throwing cereal on the floor & making sure every outfit is the wrong one.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) August 19, 2016
I don't wanna say my 4yo is unfocused but this am instead of brushing his teeth he took off his underpants & slingshot them into the toilet.— Toulouse and Tonic (@toulouseNtonic) August 18, 2016
"My hair's not messy. It's on an adventure."— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) August 19, 2016
- My 9-year-old daughter, officially kicking off her career as my spiritual advisor.
Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 16, 2016