Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me: Grande nonfat latte please, no sugar.— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) September 6, 2016
Her: Ms. Jennings, this is the school attendance window.
I just spent 45 minutes looking for my keys, only to find them in the garbage, in case you were wondering how awesome parenthood is.— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 8, 2016
I need a new home owner's insurance policy.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2016
I checked the disasters section.
Mine covers fires, tornadoes & earthquakes but not toddlers.
So much for my husband thinking he was a cool parent.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 5, 2016
He just asked my son who he was "snapfacing."
If you enjoy trying to teach your kids life lessons while they interrupt with Minecraft facts, parenting might be for you.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 8, 2016
35% of parenting is nodding and saying, "Uh-huh. Hmm, that's interesting." to things you don't understand anything about and don't care to.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) September 7, 2016
What have my kids done all summer? You mean stuff other than repeatedly clogging the guest toilet & humiliating me in public?— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 4, 2016
Establish dominance over the other moms on Facebook by posting 2nd day of school pictures.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 8, 2016
Only just realized that parenting is pretty much saying "did you try pooping?" every time your kid tells you they aren't feeling well.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) September 9, 2016
Binge-watching a show with 4 kids means getting through one whole scene.— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) September 4, 2016
Does anyone really know what time it is because I keep telling my kid it's bedtime but he keeps telling me it's not & we really need to know— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) September 8, 2016
Sometimes I'm the most organized, productive parent in the world.— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) September 8, 2016
Other times I'm....wait.....what day is it again?
Toddlers are surprisingly bad at understanding their parents considering how often they walk in their parents' shoes.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 9, 2016
"I'm just gonna leave this right here..."— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) September 8, 2016
~My kids...with everything they own.
My eight-month-old surprised me for my birthday by not waking up until 6:45. Best gift ever!— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 9, 2016
Pumpkin Spice is the Spice Girl crying into her festive Venti latte while wearing yoga pants and telling her kids to "Go play."— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) September 7, 2016
I thought the baby suddenly sprouted an outie belly button. Nope, cheerio in her onesie— Will (@willgoldstein) September 9, 2016
"PUT ACTUAL CLOTHES ON YOUR ACTUAL BODY!!!!"— Kristen Mae (@AbandonPretense) September 9, 2016
~me, getting my children ready for school
Parenting is just begging small moist people to not do dangerous things & asking whether they checked to see if it's in the junk drawer yet.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 8, 2016
So glad those guys came out and marked all my underground lines with flags so that my 5yo could move them all to claim her "discoveries."— HammBone (@hammbone84) September 9, 2016