Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Helping your kids with their math homework is a good way to teach them about math and swear words.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) February 7, 2018
My life can be hard, but obviously not as hard as the dad who just yelled, "FIVE SECOND RULE!" in this Chuck E. Cheese.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 9, 2018
Whatever clothing style parents are into when they have their first kid is the style they’re stuck in for the rest of their lives.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 3, 2018
Two or more children is called a "too loud"— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 5, 2018
Just saw a toddler swipe a fish tank because he was ready to watch something else.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 6, 2018
Me: Honey, do you think Daddy could answer any of these questions?— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) February 9, 2018
My daughter, head tilted so that her lips fit under the slat below the locked bathroom door: I don't think so. Why?
Letting my kids make pretend food for me. But the ingredients they are using suggest they might be trying to pretend poison me.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 6, 2018
A cool thing about having kids is that you can get out of doing stuff you don't wanna do by telling people your kid is sick.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 6, 2018
Parenting never gets easier. It just morphs into new and exciting varieties of difficulty.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) February 5, 2018
My 3-year-old yelled, "I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING," from on the toilet.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 5, 2018
Nobody was asking her to do anything.
She just thought we should know.
You know daycare had a good birthday party when your kid comes home with chocolate on their socks.— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 9, 2018
Kids before school: No! I don't want to go to school.— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) February 5, 2018
Kids after school: Let's play school.
Sometimes I sit and wonder, how did I ever clean without baby wipes?— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) February 7, 2018
"STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO"— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) February 8, 2018
- I yell to my children
Two-year-old: *picks up half lemon* lemon! *tastes it* SOUR— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) February 5, 2018
Me: Yeah buddy you probably don’t want—
2yo: *tasted lemon again* sour!
Me: You uh
2yo: *wanders off munching on lemon* sourrrr
A "teeter-totter" can also be called a "baby catapult."— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 7, 2018
My son says I only had kids so I could make them do chores. Like yes, I made a bunch of messy, whiny poop machines so they could cry while doing a crap job of cleaning that I just have to redo later.— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) February 8, 2018
My son looked down at his cereal and loudly whispered, "Ahhh just like in the old times" so wtf is he reincarnated or something cuz I don't have enough shit to worry about— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 6, 2018
Me: want to talk?— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) February 6, 2018
6: sure. But I've been thinking about important things.
Me: that's okay, that's what I'm here for.
6: why don't we use chocolate for money instead of coins and bills? It just doesn't make sense.