On Monday, Donald Trump proposed an “extreme vetting” process for immigrants applying to enter the United States.
One can only assume that, given his very careful and delicate approach to everything ...
... this process will be equally well-thought-out.
Here’s an immigration vetting questionnaire that we believe really gels with Mr. Trump’s past comments.
1. Do you find Melania attractive?
2. She’s hot, right?
3. What about Ivanka?
4. Who would you choose, Melania or Ivanka? (If you said “both,” proceed directly to the citizenship office to pick up your green card. Welcome to America.)
5. List all the places on the doll where the blood is coming out:
6. The next time I say “People tell me ... ” would you mind if I gave out your phone number and used you as one of those people?
7. Do you appreciate gold trim on your dining chairs?
8. What side of the wall are you currently on? Mark on the map.
9. Why can’t we use our nuclear weapons? (This is rhetorical, do not answer.)
10. Come up with a catchy, insulting name for Hillary Clinton.
11. Circle the correct pronunciation of the word “China.”
12. Now come up with a catchy, insulting name for you and people like you. (I’m always looking for ideas.)
13. Your hand must be no larger than this to enter the United States.
14. Do you have a hot daughter or a daughter you believe will be hot within the next 10 years?
15. At what point does it become too orange?
16. Would you like to work for me? (Pay optional.)
17. You have three tomatoes. I have six tomatoes. If I take all of your tomatoes, how many protestors at a Trump rally do you think I could hit? (Keep in mind, if I hit anyone in the crowd holding a baby, that counts as two.)
18. Describe your perfect date using Trump steaks, Trump wine, Trump bubble bath, Trump candles, Trump magazine and a Trump golf course.
19. What do you think of my African-American?
20. Do you have a gun?
21. If not, do you want one?
22. Just one? (We’ve got lots.)
23. On a scale of taco bowl to border fence, just how Mexican are you?
24. Are you flirting with me? (It’s to be expected.)