Comedy

“All the decadence, all the intrigue — none of the foolishness."
The real Santos earlier said about drag queen reports: ”I was young and I had fun at a festival. Sue me for having a life.”
"how do people have the nerve to throw a party when they don’t have a single cat in any bedroom"
"Cat ownership is hearing a single soft *clink* from across the house and yelling GET AWAY FROM THE BUTTER."
He was like "your friend at the bachelor party, who’s getting beaten so badly at the blackjack table you start to think about calling his wife,” smirked Kimmel.
"I love cats that look bewildered all the time they’re just 👀👀⁉️‼️❓👀👀❓‼️"
"the 'I love my dog so much 🥺🥺🥺' to furiously googling 'how long do goldendoodles live' pipeline"
"sorry i didnt reply my cat was laying on my chest and reminding me that life is worth living"
"Do animals know we're wearing clothing, or am I traumatizing my cat every time I peel off my socks."