Comedy

“I love a cat who has a lot to say. ‘meow meow meow’ you’re so right. i adore you. say more.”
"Until you have a dog you don't understand what could be eaten."
"If cats aren’t meant to be kissed on their heads then what’s that little space between their ears for."
"if my dog start fighting another dog, i’m helpin him fr"
"The extent to which my 14-lb dog earnestly believes he can protect me while out walking at night is honestly inspirational."
“I am not a ‘cat person’ or a ‘dog person’ i am simply a person who would die for any animal i have ever seen in my entire life.”
“Every time I go to the vet they say ‘That will be $400,’ and I say okay I will bankrupt myself again for my perfect small cat”
"cats have the right idea: wake up and scream your little face off until the world gives you what you need"
"I am NOT paying 5k for a dog unless it’s Brian griffin"
“Nothing says ‘divider’ instead of ‘uniter’ more than a former president with a ‘revenge state,'" Meyers said.