Comedy

"if i were a cat i’d be scared and puffed up all the time"
"On todays flight I met a cat flying in first class who will be walking in NY and Paris fashion weeks. Life is a bountiful buffet."
"if we were cats you’d b the love of my nine lives"
"No one is living a better life than the dog of a married couple who have decided not to have kids."
"loveee when dogs make little circles over and over to get cozy and comfy like that is so me"
"Really love thumping a dog's side to see if they are hollow."
"hey babe come look at the cat. he looks the same as he always does and hes just sitting there. babe come look. hey come look at the cat"
"Wish anything in life fascinated me half as much as my cat is fascinated by any door in our house being closed"
“When a small kid is struggling to walk a big dog, dads are required to ask ‘Who’s walking who?’”
"i may look normal, but i meow back at cats"