First, it was the overdose of Cory Monteith, star of the TV show Glee, which I truly loved at one point in time. Then in the last week, Bachelor reality star Gia Allemand and TV star Lee Thompson Young both are found dead from apparent suicide.
I don't have enough background or knowledge to tell you personally why such a bright, young star as Cory Monteith would suffer such a long-term addiction to drugs that led to his death. I also don't have an inkling why a beautiful, young reality star or a handsome actor would think that suicide seemed like a better option to living in the world that they did.
I can tell you, that there is something swimming around in our society and we are the only ones who can stop it.
And it all starts with love.
Although we all say we are out there trying to find it, most songs are sung about it, movie and TV plots created around it, even the ridiculous amount of quotes on Facebook every day are talking about it (yes, I know I do it), we really aren't that good at giving and receiving love on a daily basis. And we straight up fully suck at sharing love with people we don't know.
Here is the hard truth to admit. A lot of us really don't like ourselves that much anymore.
Someone, somewhere, started setting some ridiculous standards a while ago about how we should look, act, learn, live, parent, etc., and when we don't fit that mold, there is something wrong with us. Somewhere deep down we believe that if we don't keep striving for those things, we won't be loved. By a significant other, our parents, our children or anyone.
So we create these messed up things/places/groups that supposedly keep us safe, distract or even numb us while we are working daily for all of these perfect ideals that don't actually exist or make anyone happy. They are comfort zones. Those comfort zones can look many ways but include: unhealthy relationships and friendships; toxic groups and beliefs; unhappy jobs; drinking and drugs; unhealthy relationships with food, etc.
We are all trying so hard not to feel the real feelings of life, which can hurt. However, those real feelings can also feel amazing. Yin and yang, baby.
Because of that unhappiness and our messed up view of what we are supposed to be, we constantly judge others not like us or our ideals. Tearing people down online and off. Finding a little bit of some smug joy that "we have it more figured out than they do." Ha! Look how superior we are! There is definitely a special prize in the mail coming for the prettier, skinnier people with nicer things!
But we are getting this wrong.
Until we start liking ourselves enough to love and be loved, we are spreading judgement and sometimes even hate in our society.
You may think that just by "doing your thing" every day, that you are not hurting anyone. But it is the complacency that is killing us. The "I am not happy but it is easier to stay in my bubble, not rock the boat and just hope that things change" crap that is allowing the world to keep on spinning into this sadness.
Something's gotta give.
I am simply a life coach. One who talks about love, dating and relationships. I am not going to pretend to know how to solve the world's problems such as the environment, world economics, hunger, poverty, abuse and addiction. However, I believe in a very simple idea that I do think changes the world. Love.
Starting with liking yourself enough to have enough to be able to give to others. To connect. To create a place where we aren't scared of each other but instead supporting each other to grow, learn and love.
I could care less about your politics or religion. This is bigger than that. We are bigger than that. We have to be at this point. Love doesn't belong to only one group, it belongs to everyone.
Now, I would be a pretty crappy life coach if I didn't share some even small ideas on how to change this trend.
Here are four really simple ways to change the world.
1. Do (at least) three things a day that are things you absolutely love and are passionate about.
If you are already saying that you don't have time, get a grip! How about starting with the 10 things you are doing that you hate to do? If you are now going to whine about your significant other and kids remember this simple thought: You have to put yourself at least tied for first priority in your life.
Plus, how great of a parent/significant other are you being when you are exhausted and unhappy all the time? Nobody actually cares about all the stuff you are worried about and who cares if they do? That is their stuff, not yours. Don't buy into their stuff.
2. Do (at least) three things a day for strangers.
Do not start overthinking this. Start with making eye contact, saying hello and smiling. Go out of your way to give a compliment. Buy someone a coffee. If you want, start adding things in when you stop doing the 10 things you hate to do mentioned in the above paragraph. If you do this just three times a day on a regular basis, I promise that it will become the best addiction you have ever had and you will slowly change your life. Bonus: you are changing other's lives too.
Forget random acts of kindness. We need regular acts of kindness!
3. Stop multitasking.
You are not actually getting that much stuff done and usually it is half-assed. There has been study after study proving that people who remain present in their tasks and life are happier and feel more satisfaction. So let's do that!
Another simple way to change lives? Give your full attention to the people you are with and talking to. With technology constantly at our fingertips, we feel the need to be connected at all times and it is downright rude! Think about how amazing life would be if we all gave each other the gift of our full attention. Pretty sure Candy Crush Saga will be there when you get back to it.
Now go get your Staples button and say "that was easy."
4. Be kind online.
Here is a rule that I am making up right here, right now and I hope the world follows it from this point on. I know that it is overly confident.
If you are not willing to sit across from a person, look them in the eye and say something, you can't blog it, tweet it or leave it as a comment. Period.
The anonymity of online has allowed hatred to grow and be spewed in horrible toxic ways. We needed to stop that crap yesterday. I don't care if you don't like an opinion, article or blog post, there are plenty of nice ways to share your thoughts. You haven't lived their life or had their experiences, so to tell them that the way they think is wrong is a huge waste of your time and energy.
And it is mean. Isn't the world mean enough?
It is time we start changing the world with love and it starts with us.
Who's with me?
Are you single and meant to be a super hero? Join the League of Adventurous Singles! A free, online community that is changing the world AND their love lives by getting offline and out of their comfort zone.
For more by Kira Sabin, click here.
For more on emotional wellness, click here.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.