The Truth About Car Sex

By: TheDevilWearsNada

You might have this idea in your head from all those rom-coms or TV shows that having car sex is 1. Normal, 2. Easy and fun, 3. Hot and steamy.

Well, I'm here to dismantle all your beliefs.

While car sex is fun for the novelty and the thrill of doing something you aren't supposed to, I would like to warn the car sex virgins that there's a lot more to it than having normal sex, so consider this first.

1. It's really fucking small back there.So this might not be true for everyone, but if you have a five-seater car, prepare yourself.

Let me draw out a picture for you: I drive a Jetta, which can comfortably seat four people, sometimes five. Then imagine a 6-foot-11 guy and 5-foot-5 me trying to get it on in a 4.5' x 2.5' area...tricky gymnastics. Not impossible, just cramped. You'll become quite the contortionist.

2. Constantly worrying about people seeing.Public sex is a thrill. There's the possibility of getting caught doing something you aren't supposed to be doing in public, without it (hopefully) ever happening.

However, this alone might be a deal breaker if you are faint of heart. Let it spice up your sex, not ruin the experience completely.

If you have to dip your wick in a car with untinted windows, be sure to thoroughly scope out your location. Don't want old Mrs. White peeking in on your party.

3. Getting undressed.Some guys have a hard enough time figuring out how to unhook a bra (hey, I said some). Then add the difficulty of two people crammed together, taking off tight jeans, trying to not draw attention and also trying to not elbow each other's faces.

4. It's hard to get really into it with the space constraints.If you're trying to have wild, steamy sex, your Chevy Volt is probably not the place. The wild part about it is that you are in a car in public having sex. Don't expect too much more from it unless you got the square footage to back yourself up.

5. It can get messy.Whether you're using condoms or going au natural, you're either driving around with a used condom (don't throw a used condom out the window you un-environmentally-friendly fiend) or there is jizz...everywhere.

So you're either prepared with a towel, hate the environment, or somehow manage to get in a position to swallow. Go you.

6. The steering wheel.If you're tryna bump and grind in the driver's seat, you may notice a driving instrument called the steering wheel digging into your back making it difficult to move in any way. You will be forced to lust and thrust in the most restricted and/or uncomfortable ways.

Tip: I don't know who the hell thought it was a good idea to do it in the driver's seat, at least have the common sense to use the passenger's seat if not the entire back seat. Smh.

Good luck!

First seen on FlockU.com