Many parents want their children to learn to play a musical instrument — in theory. But the reality might have them questioning that desire.
Living with a beginner and having to hear them practice the violin or trumpet can be tough. And don’t even get parents started on the sounds of those godforsaken recorders schools are still including in the curriculum.
We’ve rounded up 45 too-real tweets from parents about living with a child who’s learning to play a musical instrument.
Parenting hack: Encourage your children to practice their instruments by making important phone calls.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 4, 2020
Fact: every parent whose child plays the recorder has thought about murdering the inventor.— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) November 2, 2016
In 4th grade, my teacher gave me a kazoo and then I lost it two weeks later.— Yelisa (@motherplaylist) April 28, 2017
Now that I'm a parent, I know what really happened.
"Not the trumpet. Not the trumpet. Not the fucking trumpet"— Carbosly (@Carbosly) November 17, 2012
-me, after my son tells me he's decided what instrument he wants to play.
I’ve been helping my daughter keep a steady beat as she plays the recorder by rhythmically banging my head against the wall.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 12, 2018
I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 6, 2018
Thanks, friend who bought my kid these toy instruments.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 8, 2016
She's on minute 9 of a harmonica solo.
Next year your kid is getting a drum set.
The way I feel about my kid playing the same three notes on her recorder is probably how she feels about me making the same three dinners.— The Dad (@thedad) April 22, 2020
My 4th grader brought home a music sheet that tells parents to circle the instrument of choice for child to play.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 14, 2018
I’m looking for my favorite choice: “none of the above”.
10yo: Can I practice recorder?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 2, 2019
Me: Sure, just go to the backyard.
10: *goes outside*
Me: No, farther.
10: But l’m in the neighbor’s yard.
Last night our 8yo gave us a recorder concert but I interrupted it halfway through to save the mortally wounded cat who was clearly dying inside the instrument.— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) October 24, 2019
Parenting tip: Have your child learn to play an instrument. But first, build a soundproof room where they can practice in your home.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 11, 2016
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, maybe that's where your kid should be practicing the trumpet.— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) March 25, 2018
Live with a beginner violin student so your house constantly sounds like a horror film.— Val (@ValeeGrrl) March 29, 2017
Party hack: Let your guests know it’s time to leave by having your child play a musical instrument.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 17, 2018
yes, I do encourage my kids to learn to play musical instruments, just not ones that make noises— The Dad (@thedad) March 8, 2019
My daughter plays recorder now and practices every single day, so yes, I believe in karma. I'm not even sure what I did, but I believe in it.— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) April 1, 2019
My mom bought my 4yo a toy trumpet.— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) September 2, 2019
Say goodbye to that 5 star assisted living facility when it comes time, mom.
Me: Is there a recorder song at the concert this year?— Northern Lights 👻💀🧟 (@PinkCamoTO) December 13, 2018
Me: So my Christmas wish *did* come true.
“And now here’s another song that sounds like whales having angry sex.”— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 31, 2019
- how I would introduce every song at an elementary school band concert
Me: What is the thing you want most for your birthday?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 8, 2018
6yo: A recorder.
Me: How about a pony instead?
Kids don’t appreciate the emotional toll it takes for their parents to convincingly act impressed every goddamn time they play “Hot Cross Buns” on the recorder— The Dad (@thedad) October 23, 2020
All beginner band & orchestra instruments should come with a complimentary bottle of Maker's Mark.— Val (@ValeeGrrl) September 20, 2016
Listening to 8 play his recorder makes me wonder who the hell named it a recorder because literally no one would want to record this crap.— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 27, 2018
Tomorrow I have to attend a third grade recorder concert, in case you wondered how painful childbirth really is.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 4, 2018
Update: I got my hearing aids yesterday! They work!— Around the Way Ghoul (@TrulyTafakari) July 14, 2021
My 5yo also got a wooden mini xylophone and tambourine in the mail the same day. They work.
pray for me 😭😭😭😭😭😭
9-year-old: My teacher said we can buy a recorder or rent one.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 8, 2020
Me: What's the advantage of buying?
9: I can bring it home to practice.
Me: We're renting.
Yells “FREE BIRD!” during daughters 2nd grade recorder concert.— Bart (@bartandsoul) November 17, 2018
My newborn baby stopped crying when my 11yo started playing the recorder, and I’ve never in my life felt more conflicted.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 11, 2019
Out of all the countless toys buried in bins that my kid never plays with, why did he have to find his damn harmonica!— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) May 8, 2017
*sees 5yo's recorder on the floor— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 9, 2015
*gently kicks it under the couch
I'm smiling at my son playing his music recorder and I'm wondering how long I have to keep this up, before I snap it over my knee.— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) September 3, 2013
Your kid turns 9 and you naively assume life is about to get a little easier and then school is like lol sorry TIME TO LEARN AN INSTRUMENT.— Val (@ValeeGrrl) September 30, 2017
Daughter: Mom, where can I practice my recorder?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 31, 2019
Me: *drives her over to Grandma’s house*
A fun thing to do with a recorder is beat the person who gave it to your children over the head with it.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 24, 2015
Leave it to 8 year olds on violin to make Ode to Joy sound like a funeral dirge.— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) April 22, 2015
My daughter wants to play “guess this song” with her recorder. I am going to need every drop of whiskey in this house.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 14, 2017
9yo: I’m forming a band with Mary and Sara.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 9, 2018
9yo: Yeah, we are all going to play the recorder.
The year is 2054. My son sits down for his documentary.— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) June 30, 2020
Reporter: So what would you say led to your impressive and horrifying killing spree?
Him: Well I think it all began when I was six and my mom threw out my collection of kazoos I’d made from toilet paper rolls
SON: MOMMA AIDAN P. ALREADY LOST HIS RECORDER ON THE BUS— Val (@ValeeGrrl) January 4, 2018
ME: that's cuz Aidan P. loves his mommy
[6:15 AM]— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 25, 2015
Hmmm, I'm the first one awake in the whole house. Think I'll play this kazoo, it just feels right.
Please tell me it’s everyone’s 4th grader learning how to play My Heart Will Go On from the blockbuster movie The Titanic on the recorder and not just mine.— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) September 29, 2018
I love listening to my child practice her violin as long as there is a two room buffer between us.— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) October 5, 2015
“I can no longer have you in my life. I have cried way too many tears because of you.”— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 28, 2018
*throws daughter’s recorder over cliff*
I just found out that the hockey team my son’s friends are joining next year costs $3,000 per kid and I never thought I’d say this but I’m going to start encouraging the recorder.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 6, 2019