"I really want a red bicycle for Christmas," you thought when you were little. You saw an older kid in the neighborhood ride past you on his awesome, two-wheel red rocket. For weeks you pictured riding your prize possession in front of your friends. While mentally perched on this chariot of metal you feel superior. You feel taller as you ride it down the streets of your mind. You feel like you're on top of the world. You just know you'll find it under the tree when Christmas arrives.
Your bike does not show up.
You are crushed. Even though you received other awesome gifts, it wasn't the same as being able to cruise around on your majestic new bike. Your heart was set on it. Your fragile ego had no fear of the bike NOT showing up.
Reality did not meet expectation.
How many times in your life have you been disappointed when you didn't get our way? You dreamed about it. You wished upon it. You counted on it. You may even have told other people (aka our friends) about it. You didn't believe it would happen, because you just knew it would.
Do you remember the scene from the movie The Breakup when the boyfriend played by Vince Vaughn stood up Jennifer Aniston's girlfriend character? She bought two tickets to a concert and they agreed to meet in what Aniston thought would be a makeup session. Vince Vaughn never showed and Aniston was crushed to say the least. We've all had a myriad of disappointments. Some small. Some great.
Disappointment is one of life's most depressing and ego-crushing words.
Typically disappointment involves "other people" but it can also have external circumstances and situations beyond your control. You practiced an inordinate amount of time over the last few weeks and months. You put your heart and soul into training your mind and body. Unfortunately, on this day you came up short to your long-time nemesis. Losing was not the expectation when reality brought it to your doorstep.
You get on the scales expecting a 5-pound weight loss after working out for a week and starving yourself to death. Finally the tip of the scales registers no loss. None. In fact, you gained two pounds. Disappointment.
Today finding the right job is becoming more difficult. It's a numbers game of jobs open and qualified applicants. If you're trapped in this cycle of disappointment, remain positive at all costs. Your positive attitude may be the deciding factor in landing the perfect job.
How many disappointments have you had in your life? Don't really try and count them. You'll be disappointed. This is life. Remember when you didn't receive the promotion you know you deserved? Remember being bypassed for the all-star team selection? How many As were expected only to be crushed by a B or even a C grade. "I thought I aced that test," you thought with quasi-confidence. Disappointment.
When reality doesn't meet expectation, it's the dreaded knock on the door of the resident victim and judge in you. Here are a few dos and don't tips for your next disappointment or when your best friend needs a helping hand with their own.
Do
1. Be realistic in initially setting your goals and resetting them after falling short.
2. Redirect your negative feelings to something positive. Hanging out with positive friends and family might help.
3. Adjust and adapt your strategy and tactics when disappointment arrives. Approach the task, goal or vision in another way. Reinvention may be needed.
4. Flood your disappointment with hope and extreme positivity. Use positive self-talk.
5. Know what went wrong so the mistake (if any) won't be repeated. Evaluate objectively without emotion. Replay only what you want.
6. Visualize success immediately upon receiving negative news. See solutions.
7. Breathe deeply. Breathe slowly. Take time before reacting.
8. Avoid placing all your "happy eggs" in one basket.
9. Know that the sun will come up tomorrow. You are still blessed. Success is getting up one more time from defeat. Never give up! Get more determined.
Don't
1. Think negative while eating and drinking. This will result in over-eating and depressing weight gain will be your new reality. Don't over-eat or binge. Don't over-drink or binge drink to drown your sorrows. This depressant activity will cost you later. Masking reality is a dead-end street.
2. Put the negative past on a repetitive loop for replay that will lead to incessant worry.
3. Talk negative to yourself in general especially with self-deprecating behavior.
4. Hang out with negative people
5. Seek revenge
6. Eat potato chips, Pringles, Twinkies, Krispy Kreme donuts or other comfort foods
7. Criticize, judge or blame others
8. Act and talk like a victim
9. Wield sarcasm
Disappointment hit young inventor Thomas Edison over 1,000 times as he initially failed to create the light bulb. His thoughts were "This small failure just gets me one-step closer to success." Notable bankruptcies in American history who went on to be successful are Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Thomas Jefferson, William McKinley, Henry Ford, Milton Hershey, Burt Reynolds, H.J. Heinz, and P. T. Barnum.
I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan
Put on your mental armor of positivity that is impenetrable to disappointment. Check your fragile ego and give it a firm motivational talk. Re-set your sights on your next quest.
Your success journey will be full of disappointment when reality doesn't meet your expectation. These displeasures create the hills and valleys of your life's travels.
Success is getting up one more time from defeat.
Competition for jobs, careers, profits, relationships, grades and athletic success has never been more ferocious. The ones who win are the ones with the best mindset and overall daily positive attitude. If you need a helping hand, send me an email at askjim@jimfannin.com. Success may only be a new thought away.
Good fortune favors the bold. Stay positive, especially when reality doesn't meet your expectation.
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