Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
my kid was struggling to put her shirt on and screamed “this is UNACCEPTABLE!” like a teeny tiny CEO
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 10, 2022
My 10yo made me a custom Wordle and the word was “ERECT”. He kept saying “it’s a hard one”.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 10, 2022
Facebook friend: What a busy day! Aydyn had a soccer tournament and then we completely remodeled the kitchen, then we did a 20 mile bike ride and finished the day with reading 15 chapters of a book!
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 10, 2022
Me: *is impressed that I actually finished reading her post*
My 4yo went through my phone and confronted me like I cheated on her, "you took a lot of pictures of this baby..."
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 13, 2022
Apparently my kid got in trouble today for PACKING OUR TOASTER IN HIS BACKPACK and pulling it out at lunch to make pop tarts for his class. I can’t stop laughing.
— Elisa Stone Leahy (@ElisaStoneLeahy) April 13, 2022
12 y/o daughter learned Power Point and offered to help me make one for court with bunnies in the background but I told her it probably needed to be more serious than that.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 14, 2022
12: OK, I can put top hats on the bunnies.
*kids any other day*
— yelisa (@beingyelisa) April 13, 2022
I can’t find it, where is it, help me!
*kids on Easter*
I can see a small purple egg with pink polka dots hidden under that shrub 40 feet away, and by the way it’s laying in the grass it probably has 9 jellybeans inside
My husband: What the––
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 14, 2022
My 7yo: You almost said "fuck"
You may be tough, but you’re not “just sat through a 4th grade recorder concert” tough.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 14, 2022
In case you’ve ever doubted the brilliance of a toddler, mine just told me that a kid in her class is allergic to peanut butter so I have to send her chocolate instead
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 12, 2022
Whoever evaluated my son for vocabulary and said it was below average sure didn't ask him any Minecraft questions because he would go on and on about "mining for lapis to complete the pink structure that looks like an axolotl"
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) April 11, 2022
I have already eaten all the candy, so my kids will open their Easter eggs to find packets of Kikkomon soy sauce
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 14, 2022
Have kids so they can insist you lie down next to them at bedtime then yell at you because *checks notes* they can see your arms
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 12, 2022
I’m at my most hypocritical when I’m telling my kid that she’s responsible for her school things as I’m frantically searching for my keys.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) April 14, 2022
My wife was trying to tell our 5yo a story and 2 minutes into the story he interrupts to say “who are you even talking to?”
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) April 13, 2022
My kid: MOMMY Help! There's a bump in my shoe!
— Marl (@Marlebean) April 11, 2022
Same kid: oh I was bleeding before but forgot to tell you
Society: Always make sure your kids wear a seat belt
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 11, 2022
School buses: Fuck them kids
“There are way too many people in there.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 11, 2022
~my 7yo’s review of Where’s Waldo
the morning drop off teacher said “bye have a good day” and my brain wanted to say “bye you too” and instead i said “blue tooth” so that’ll make for great anxiety fuel for years to come
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 11, 2022
The parenting books didn’t prepare me for how many stuffed animals I’d have to put to bed.
— kidversations (@kidversations_) April 14, 2022
There has never been a more pure show of unbridled optimism than my wife believing she could work on her grad school paper in the same room as our twin six year old boys.
— TwinzerDad🌻🇺🇦 (@TwinzerDad) April 9, 2022
5 year old: Mommy, did you get that kind of turkey I like at the store?
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) April 9, 2022
Me: Ham? Yes
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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