Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
why do I bother sterilising milk bottles when my kid just licked the floor of Tesco
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) August 22, 2023
No sadder relationship dynamic than my baby (absolutely obsessed with my 3yo) and my 3yo (continually tells us to throw her in the garbage)
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 24, 2023
If you want to be yelling at your kids in the car at 4:30 in the morning before you even get to the end of your driveway, a vacation might be for you!
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 22, 2023
Would love to have a brief chat with whoever taught my son to roll his eyes and say “oh my GOD” whenever someone displeases him oh wait
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) August 23, 2023
One day you’re taking care of your baby’s every need and the next you’re like, “Did I feed my kids lunch today?”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 19, 2023
went on vacation so my kids could play on their ipads in a different state
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) August 20, 2023
-a modern day parenting story
What I said: it’s bedtime
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 21, 2023
What my kid heard: put on a Batman mask and check the hallways for crime
My 6yo has started calling himself a smarty pants and when I asked him why he thinks that, he said “Well, I’m smart and I wear pants.”
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) August 22, 2023
Halfway through my kid’s crazy complicated Subway order, the guy asked “Where you going with this sandwich, man?”
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 20, 2023
Me to my husband: "Don't worry, he's only 2, he'll forget about wanting ice cream for dinner if we don't bring it up."
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 24, 2023
My 2yo: "Behold, mother, there is the exact space Grandma parked in when she drove me to this playground 3 weeks ago; I was clad in my green Stegosaurus shirt"
Paid $75 to take the family to the zoo so my toddler could ooh and ahh over a caterpillar in the parking lot.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) August 19, 2023
My 8YO’s drawings of me have improved in detail. Although she still draws my body as a round ball, she now adds a nice touch by filling in the dark circles under my eyes.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) August 23, 2023
11-year-old: I'm bringing my saxophone home from school tomorrow.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 23, 2023
Me: Why?
11: To practice making sounds.
Me: You mean notes?
11: No. We haven't learned those yet.
Lucky us.
My daughter asked me if they had ice cream in the olden days and it took me a minute to realize she was talking about when I was a kid
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 22, 2023
My 6yo found money and said it's unfair that I took it from her because she found it. In my house! She found MY money in MY house.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 23, 2023
Remember when your mom would just drop you at the mall and have no way to get in touch with you? I don’t even trust my kids to go upstairs alone.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 22, 2023
After I told my son it was time to leave the children’s museum, he replied, “I had a bad day and it’s all your fault!” so I replied, “awesome.” Several moms overheard and gave an understanding laugh, and it was immediate kinship.
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) August 23, 2023
The eight year old: I wrote another book, my best one yet
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 22, 2023
Me: That’s so great, do you think you’ll be a writer when you grow up?
Her: *stares* Did you not hear me, I wrote books. I’m a writer already
I think you're supposed to look at this painting and think something terrible is written in the letter but as a mom I can tell you she's just trying to write a simple grocery list with a 4 year old around and she's given up all hope of ever finishing. pic.twitter.com/JcAVZaMFl8
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 22, 2023
Not to brag but I finally got the sand out from the car from the last beach trip in 2018
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 23, 2023
"Welcome to daycare. Here's your eye infection."
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 24, 2023
My kid has been begging for a pet so I bought her a rug and told her it was her carpet. She didn’t laugh.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 21, 2023
Shout out to the mom who didn’t blink when my kid told her that I keep all of her art projects forever, we’re in this together and you had my back
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 21, 2023
Support HuffPost
A No-B.S. Guide To Life
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Our News, Politics and Culture teams invest time and care working on hard-hitting investigations and researched analyses, along with quick but robust daily takes. Our Life, Health and Shopping desks provide you with well-researched, expert-vetted information you need to live your best life, while HuffPost Personal, Voices and Opinion center real stories from real people.
Help keep news free for everyone by giving us as little as $1. Your contribution will go a long way.
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Help keep news free for everyone by giving us as little as $1. Your contribution will go a long way.
HuffPost is your trusted source to help you lead a better life. Our reporters rely on research, expert advice and lived experiences. So when you've got questions, you know you can trust our answers.
We're determined to keep HuffPost Life — and every other part of HuffPost — 100% free. Help us do that by contributing as little as $1.
HuffPost is your trusted source for stories that help you lead a better life. We've got you covered on all things health, wellness, food, style, parenting, relationships, work, travel and lifestyle. Our reporters rely on research, expert advice and lived experiences to address all your concerns, big and small. So when you've got questions, you know you can trust our answers.
We're determined to keep HuffPost Life — and every other part of HuffPost — 100% free. Help us do that by contributing as little as $1.
Do you have info to share with HuffPost reporters? Here’s how.
